Anybody keen to possess a "slightly used" fart chamber with original owner's famous fingerprints well preserved?

Antares, Mary Maguire & Bernard Khoo @ Zorro getting ready 
to protest the Peaceful Assembly Act 2012 (photo: Rodi Tahir)

As advertised here .....

MONDAY, MAY 11, 2009

2009's 2ND QUARTER FIRST TENANT.....

Over the months, my readers have noticed that my Fart Chamber has been conspicuously without any inmates. Fact is, there are so many I could have interned but that would have taken away the exclusivity of this abode. No there is nothing wrong with the donors…. they are the old faithful, ever willing to contribute to a just cause. The Board of Directors wants to maintain this Alcatraz, exclusively for repeat-felons and for those who do not understand justice.

And over those months, several high-profile candidates have been put forward. I would have loved to oblige my readers, but being a Chairman of the Chamber, with no veto rights, I uphold consensus.

However this afternoon the Board convened and we unanimously have a candidate. But the Board instructed me to really explain to this candidate the full implications and after-effects of this exclusive incarceration. They also instructed me that the candidate must go for a full medical because we do not want the candidate to give up the ghost in our hallowed chamber.Exorcism is a dying art and is terribly expensive. I was also specifically to tell the candidate that his/her stay in chambers is an international request which we do not want to refuse.

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

This is a humane gesture to prepare you for what you have to go through. We hope you can cope, after this briefing. .We don’t wan Pewaris to organize a debate on the legality of this Chamber. Please take time to digest to the best of your ability the contents below which I will produce unexpurgated from Wikipedia:

COMPOSITION OF A FART

Nitrogen, the main constituent of air, is the primary gas released during flatulence, along with carbon dioxide which is present in higher quantities in those who drink carbonated beverages regularly. The lesser component gases methane and hydrogen are flammable, and so flatus containing adequate amounts of these can be ignited. However, not all humans produce flatus that contains methane. For example, in one study of the faeces of nine adults, only five of the samples contained archaea capable of producing methane.^[1] Similar results are found in samples of gas obtained from within the rectum.

The gas released during a flatus event frequently has an unpleasant odor which mainly results from low molecular weight fatty acids such as butyric acid (rancid butter smell) and reduced sulphur compounds such as hydrogen sulphide (rotten egg smell) and carbonyl sulphide that are the result of protein breakdown. The incidence of odoriferous compounds in flatulence emissions increases from herbivores, such as cattle, through omnivores to carnivorous species, such as cats.^{[citation needed]} Such odor can also be caused by the presence of large numbers of microflora bacteria and/or the presence of faeces in the rectum.

The major components of the flatus, which are odorless, by percentage are:^[2]

• Nitrogen - 20% - 90%
• Hydrogen - 0% - 50%
• Carbon Dioxide - 10% - 30%
• Oxygen - 0% - 10%
• Methane - 0% - 10%

( I would pause here to let you digest the above. I did mention about the donors of the chamber…..those colossal derrieres you see along the wall. They were specially selected because these can FART AT WILL! This of course is a special feature of this Chamber, and I will have you know that we have had international requests for the use of this Chamber)

Farting at will

Main article: Professional farter

Historical comment on the ability to fart at will is observed in St. Augustine's The City of God. Augustine, not otherwise noted for his levity, mentions men who "have such command of their bowels, that they can break wind continuously at will, so as to produce the effect of singing." That mankind in general has lost this ability he attributes to the first sin of Adam and Eve and its consequences with respect to body control.^[20]

Le Pétomane "The Fartiste" a famous French performer in the 19th century, as well as many professional farters before him, did flatulence impressions and held shows. The performer Mr. Methane carries on Le Pétomane's tradition today.

But we always try to avoid this bit:

Fart lighting, (also called fart-burning, blue-darting, blue flame, blue angel, flatus ignition, and pyroflatulence) is the practice of setting fire to the gases produced by human flatulence, often producing a blue hue.

Although there is little scientific discourse on the combustive properties of flatus, there are many anecdotal accounts of flatus ignition and the activity has increasingly found its way into popular culture with references in comic routines, movies, and television; including cartoons.

SO IN YOU GO YOU 

PIECE OF sHEEt! 

and your "key chain" won' help'
Your pepper spray sprayed into your nasal cavity
might be a good detox. 

HEY GUYS, BE NICE TO MY FRIEND NOW!

Bernard Khoo aka Zorro and I

Got an SMS this evening that pissed me off. My buddy Bernard is being harassed by Najib's Nazi Regime. The cops have called him in for questioning over something he ranted about in his popular blog. This sort of shit is never good news. I doubt anything will emerge from Zorro's 3PM appointment at the Commercial Crimes Department (near the Bank Negara KTM stop) - but the fact that the regime is on the rampage again augurs ill for the truth-loving.

Zorro speaks truth to Power. And it appears that Power doesn't want to hear; in fact, wants Zorro to shut up. Or at least tone down his rage against the nightmare of a nation in the clutches of terminal dementia. You've got to be demented if you can endure Pink Lips's 1Malaysia crap - or you may have grown up in the era of Vision 2020 and Malaysia Boleh and are therefore immune to official spin.

One thing Umno hasn't learned: if a very large number of people detest you, switching to a different brand of shampoo won't improve your chances of re-election. Even a complete wardrobe change won't save your skin.

The only real option is to apologize, retire to the wings, and let another management team take over. A genuine show of humility, remorse and the beginnings of wisdom should make it easier for us to forgive you and refrain from coming down hard on you.

Ten years playing the role of Loyal Opposition will do wonders for your soul. People may even start liking you again.

Meanwhile, let's not stand for heavy-handed tactics to inject fear into the blogosphere. If you care for freedom and justice, show your moral support for Zorro by turning up at the Commercial Crimes Department at 3PM, 4 November 2009.

Martin Jalleh reports from the Shah Alam High Court

CHANGE HAS COME TO MALAYSIA

SHAH ALAM HIGH COURT, 7 NOV 2008 (approx 9:40AM): It was a very moving moment in time – one which your memory will forever hold and behold. I had thought that we only get to see this in a Disney movie. But it was happening right in a courtroom in Bolehland today.

The packed courtroom of Raja Petra (RPK) supporters could not contain their joy. They clapped and burst out into cries of excitement and elation even before Justice Syed Ahmad Helmy Syed Ahmad could finish delivering his judgment.

They were gently reprimanded by the judge that they were in a Court of Law. But for some it was impossible to be silent. You can’t be restrained when it is such a great and glorious victory! And so they whispered: “We have won! We have won! RPK is free!”

The judge ruled that the detention of RPK under the ISA was illegal (unconstitutional) and ordered his immediate release. The court found the (Home) minister had not followed proper procedure under Section 8 of the ISA.

As the judge left for his chambers, everyone sprung up... some with their clenched fists raised high in the air – speechless. Others grabbed the nearest person available to express their elation whether it be a stranger, supporter or Special Branch.

“Yes, yes, yes!” proclaimed Angela from Seremban who has attended every RPK-related court case with her son. Yes, justice is done; yes, the truth always wins; yes, let us continue the good fight!

“God bless the judge... What a brave judge! I hope nothing will happen to him and they won’t transfer him elsewhere...” a man who identified himself as Lim declared to his friends.

A visibly moved Ignatius Gomez, who was present with his wife and daughter to “lend our voices and presence to any movement that works towards the abolishment of the ‘barbaric’ ISA” proclaimed loudly: “Justice has prevailed!”

A brave woman

Marina was moved to tears. She hugged their two daughters, Suraya and Sarah – who have been her sturdy support and who have kept a very brave smile for their mother in the long struggle for their father’s freedom.

Without any hesitation Marina reached out next in deep appreciation to RPK’s lawyers – a team of young, dedicated, daring, diligent and determined attorneys who, time and again, won the admiration and acknowledgement of everyone. Lead lawyer Malik Imtiaz Sarwar’s brilliance and humility in court will remain etched in the memory of many.

In fact, the team, together with other lawyers who had come to show their support, adorned in their court attire, and in all their distinguished shapes and sizes, abandoned their stoic and sage-like disposition and spontaneously hugged each other. Alas, lawyers are human too!

Some of the supporters sat still and smiled to themselves. It was a judgment they found too difficult to believe! Or they wanted to relish the moment and watched, enthralled by the unreserved show of emotion of the rest.

The doors of the courtroom swung open. Marina came out of the court and as the sea of people stood behind, she thanked each and everyone who had played an unique and vital role to get her husband free.

Surely each person, for having stood up for justice, served as a tiny “ripple”, that when put together, made up that giant wave of change that no person (definitely not the Home Minister) nor the powers that be could stop.

Fighting back the tears Marina said: “Though I was hopeful, I had not expected the decision. This is a very good sign that our country is changing and I hope that this change will continue...”

“I want to thank the lawyers, the supporters, the bloggers, the reporters... I am so overwhelmed by the decision that I am short of words... Thanks to the judge for his very courageous decision.”

The “celebration” continued on in the court’s foyer. It was only the beginning. The judge had ordered that RPK be brought (from Kamunting) before the court by 4pm, after which he would be released.

Free at last!

It was time for lunch, but none seemed hungry anymore. I followed a group of RPK supporters many of whom I was meeting for the first time. Robert Choo, a retired college lecturer told everyone: “Lunch is on me. Order anything you want. Very rarely do we get such a brave judgment!”

The diversity was amazing. It was a multi-racial group with ages ranging from 16 to 60 years. We were all middle-class. Except for the self-employed, the rest had to take leave to be in court. The group was predominantly women...very vocal ones too!

As I listened intently I realized the conversation was different from the usual. It was not centred on our obsession with food. They spoke about the candlelight vigils in Seremban, PJ and Ipoh. They shared their fears that RPK would be rearrested and what they could do to prevent it!

What made them want to attend the court case? What motivated them to take the risk? Why did they want to exchange a very comfortable and consumeristic existence for an involvement that is often thankless and even looked upon by the majority as being “stupid”?

It was much more than just giving support to RPK. They were angry with the arrogance and abuse of the BN government. They were fed up of being treated like kids and of a government trying to fool all the people all the time.

They expressed their disgust over desperate politicians playing the religious and racial card and gambling the country away. They looked forward to a new government of integrity, credibility and accountability.


They felt that it was time to take a stand, to say and do something, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant... like just by being present in court – even though at times they found it hard to comprehend what was going on!

They realized they were not alone... and their growing solidarity has helped them to soldier on. They spoke of their proud association with Haris Ibrahim, Bernard Khoo and a host of frontline exemplary leaders. They saw in each other a comrade for justice and they displayed an obvious synergy that has freed them from the culture of fear.

Finally, the moment came – the man of the hour appeared... looking tired and even in a daze, still stunned by the court’s decision. As soon as he left the warm embrace of his wife and children, his supporters mobbed and moved him all the way into the courtroom!

Justice Syed Ahmad Helmy ordered RPK to be released. He thanked the lawyers of both sides for their professionalism. The crowd stood in deep respect and reverence as the brave judge left the courtroom.

They garlanded their hero. There was another round of hugs. Some looked up to the heavens in prayerful thanksgiving. Tears flowed freely in celebration of the freedom of one who cared and dared enough to write so that others may be free.

Raja Petra looked as though he was “holding court” on the front steps of the Shah Alam Court. No fetters could extinguish the fire and fervour in the man. It fact, it had fanned the flame in him: “"We have to fight all-out and get the ISA abolished!"


The peerless Patriot and Prince was fittingly driven away in a red Rolls Royce. As his supporters parted, it was obvious that they were not going to rest on their laurels. They were already talking of meeting in the candlelight vigils in Seremban and PJ.

It was truly a historic day of hugs, heart and hope. In contrast to the cavalier attitude of Syed Hamid in the recent ISA arrests, there was the calibre and courage of Syed Ahmad Helmy, a glimmer of hope in the judiciary.

Compared to the arrogance of the Umno-dominated government which believes that might is right, there was the humility of ordinary citizens who achieved the extraordinary in their multi-racial solidarity!

The Home Minister wants to appeal the judge’s decision – which he claims he respects! We understand. Umno’s internal security is threatened and it is rapidly losing its appeal. Further Syed Hamid wants to be very "appealing" - he is standing in the coming Umno elections.

Former de facto Law Minister Zaid Ibrahim has said that Umno cannot change. And as can be seen from last night’s Anti-ISA gathering when the “uncivilized” police ran riot in the Petaling Jaya Civic Centre, the Police cannot change. They will continue to be arrogant.

Our hope for change lies in the rakyat. The people’s involvement in the process that resulted in RPK being free confirms this.

Martin Jalleh
10 November 2008



[Images courtesy of Malaysiakini & Zorro Unmasked]