Pitching for the Swami (Again)

The person I most enjoy promoting when I'm not promoting myself is Swami Beyondananda aka Steve Bhaerman. He never fails to perk me up when I'm feeling blah. Let the good Swami show you how to activate your clown chakra...



Lose Weightiness Now!

"I lost weightiness ... ask me how!" ~ Swami Beyondananda

In these stressful times, it's easy to gain weightiness. Weightiness gain is not your fault!

Work ... the economy ... and now the election season ... and pretty soon ... yes, that's right. You've gained weightiness. Well, if gravity's got you down, let levity lift you up!

Here are just some of the serious problems that can be caused by overweightiness:

* Irregularhilarity.
* Humorrhoids.
* Irony deficiency.
* Truth decay.

Absolutely FREE here is Swami's 5 step program to lose weightiness now!

1. Take a vow of levity! Remember, levity will help you rise above whatever is bringing you down. In a toxic situation? Laughter will keep you from taking it poisonally. Feel the levitational pull uplifting the corners of your mouth into a smile. You want to uplift humankind? Uplift your face first! Here is the levity vow: "All for fun ... and fun for all!"

2. Don't Get Even - Get Odd. Instead of staying stuck in dueling dualities, use your one-of-a-kindness to find the odd solution that beats the heck out of getting even.

3. When You See a Sacred Cow Milk It For All It's Worth. When our sacred cows give the milk of human kindness, we are fortified to take the bull by the horns.

4. Enlighten Your Load. Is your life stuffed with stuff? Unstuff it! Stuff is a major cause of weightiness. You'll be surprised that the more liquid you get, the more solid you will feel.

5. Wake Up Laughing, and Wise Up Loving. Time to wake up. You'll never lose weightiness if you keep hitting snooze. Wake up with a laugh, and end the day with an embrace, and if you are alone ... embrace yourself, and immerse yourself in a warm solution of love.

And in addition to these five steps toward fool-realization, a vital laugh force, and fully opened clown chakra, here are four things you can do every day!

Daily Weightiness Loss Exercise Plan.

1. Wake up laughing. As Swami says, "If you wake up with a funny feeling ... go with it." If you don't immediately laugh upon rising, then rise and start laughing. Nothing funny? Go look in the bathroom mirror. If you're still not laughing, pretend you're looking at someone else. Do that, and you'll laugh.

2. Do Ha-Ha-Ha Breaths. Very important to move the laugh force early in the day to insure regularhilarity. So, we use the vowel sounds, and we put a h- in front of it ... so we begin way up here at the top of our heads with a hee-hee-hee. Then we move down to the throat and we chuckle a heh-heh-heh. Next, down to the heart for some hearty laughter, ha-ha-ha, and now the belly laugh ho-ho-ho. and way down to the bottom hoo-hoo-hoo ... and now move the vowel sounds back up hoo-hoo-hoo, ho-ho-ho, ha-ha-ha, heh-heh-heh, hee-hee-hee ... ah, nothing like a good vowel movement early in the day.

3. Enlighten Up the News. You want to know where most weightiness gain occurs? In the morning, eating breakfast and watching the news or reading the paper. Why? All the studies are conclusive: The news puts on weightiness, and is a major factor in truth decay. That's why we recommend using mental floss after every serving of mainstream media. Just put your thumb and forefinger about six inches from each ear. Ready? Then, with a gentle back and forth motion, dislodge all the illogical logic, all the petrified bullshit, and every dysfunctional belief masquerading as reality. Ahhh ... you will feel so much better. Your synapses will start synapping again.

4. Play at Work, Work at Play. You know what the secret of a happy life is? To be able to answer yes to the question, "From this you make a living?" If you aren't doing what you love - or at least loving what you do - you are slathering on pounds of excess weightiness! So ... if you can't be with the work you love, love the work you're with. And if you hate the work you're with, love hating it. Invent a hilarious character, and use that character to complain loudly about everything you hate. Then laugh.

Note: If you begin feeling lightheaded due to sudden weightiness loss, simply surrender to the levitational pull. If symptoms of ascension continue, consult your metaphysician.

Help Others Lose Weightiness Too!

During this contentious election season where it's hard to escape barking dogmas and dueling dualities - not to mention feud poisoning - it's so very important to maintain regularhilarity. That's why we've extended Swami's Cosmic Comedy Specials throughout our upcoming Wake Up Laughing Wise Up Loving Tour.

First of all, you can order the Fool Enchilada Special for the very special price of just $59 (includes U.S. shipping) and get $112 value! That's more laughs per penny than the high-priced laughsitive!

And ... if you want to go audio only, you can order all four of Swami's hilarious CDs for just $39 (includes U.S. shipping).

If you want to immerse yourself in the what's, how's and why's of creating cosmic comedy, there is the Wake Up Laughing e-book, AND a four hour teleclass A Course In Laughter available for download for just $15.

And ... if you're in a really generous mood, you can be part of our Buddysattva program and get the Wake Up Laughing e-book for a dozen of your friends. Hey, that hole in the Bozone Layer that has compromised our planet's clown chakra can't heal without your help!

And remember, when it comes to laughter what goes around, comes around. The laugh you save may be your own!

Check out Swami Beyondanda's Ompage!

[First posted 1 October 2010, reposted 18 may 2016]

Nominated Stupidest Judge in History

Mohamad Zabidin Mohd Diah, presiding judge in the bizarre and hilarious mock trial of Opposition Leader Anwar Ibrahim, has been nominated "The Stupidest Judge in History."

His Dishonorable Stupidness Zabidin Mohd Diah has THRICE refused to recuse himself, despite having displayed glaring bias against the defendant, who stands accused of consensual sodomy with accuser Saiful Bukhari Azlan - even though the initial police report lodged by Saiful Bukhari unequivocally states that Anwar Ibrahim raped him "more than eight times."

There is a vast difference between rape and consensual sex. Rape involves using criminal force to violate another against his or her will. Consensual sex implies that both were willing partners. In most mature countries consensual sex between consenting adults is NOT considered an offence, regardless of gender. However, in Malaysia, a 19th century edict prohibiting "sex against the natural order" has been dusted off twice - first in 1998, and again in 2008 - and used as a political weapon to thwart the career of the same individual, Anwar Ibrahim - whose only real crime is that he represents the aspirations of Malaysian voters to topple the corrupt, greedy and arrogant 54-year reign of Barisan Nasional.

As far as I know, no other Malaysian has ever been charged with sodomy and sentenced to nine years' imprisonment. The maximum sentence is 20 years, including six strokes of the rotan. In this day and age, attempting to enforce such an archaic law is beyond stupid. It reeks of unmitigated malice and political vengeance.

Accuser Saiful Bukhari Azlan has revealed himself to be a psychotic personality, basking in the glow of unflattering publicity and widespread unpopularity. The fact that he served as Anwar Ibrahim's personal aide for several months and voluntarily resigned just before filing a police report reveals him to be a Mark David Chapman wannabe (Chapman gained international infamy by assassinating his hero John Lennon on 8 December 1980).

Saiful Bukhari happens to be the godson of Mumtaz Jaafar, a close confidante of Rosmah Mansor, who now bills herself the First Lady of Malaysia. This fact alone, in a sane and sound judicial context, would have confirmed Saiful Bukhari as an unreliable witness and automatically disqualified him as an accuser of Rosmah and her husband's biggest political threat, Anwar.

Saiful testified in court that prior to filing his police report on 28 June 2008, he had spoken on the phone with the then Inspector-General of Police Musa Hassan, following which he met Assistant Commissioner Rodhwan Mohd Yusof in a hotel room; and, subsequently, Saiful had visited deputy prime minister Najib Razak and Rosmah Mansor at their residence. Musa Hassan has since stepped down as IGP, while Rodhwan Mohd Yusof has been promoted to Melaka Police Chief.

It must be noted at this point that Musa Hassan and Rodhwan Mohd Yusof were deeply involved in the 1998 sodomy charges against Anwar Ibrahim instigated by Mahathir Mohamad. With Anwar's conviction and imprisonment, Musa Hassan was eventually promoted to Top Cop, while Rodhwan Mohd Yusof continued as Musa Hassan's "dirty tricks" agent.

In effect, there is really no case against Anwar Ibrahim, even if one insists on questioning his personal sexual inclinations. Too many political connections surround the malicious accusation for it to be taken seriously.

Any judge possessing the minutest iota of intelligence and integrity - knowing that not only will his professional credibility be jeopardized, but the honor of his own ancestors and descendants as well - would have discreetly withdrawn from the case, even at the risk of being fired or bypassed for promotion. To knowingly subject oneself to being used as a political hand-puppet is not only demeaning to the person, it befouls the entire judiciary and throws justice itself into disrepute.

Zabidin "Justice My Foot" Mohd Diah, you have sentenced yourself - and your posterity - to eternal contempt and ridicule, a fate far worse than death.

Why don't you come clean? What secret dossier does Chief Justice Zaki Azmi have on you that gives him the power to force you into your present compromising and uncomfortable position?

If anyone can be accused of buggery, it is Mahathir Mohamad and Umno who sodomized the whole of Malaysia in 1988 when they destroyed the independence of the judiciary.

Zabidin Mohd Diah, in fact, is merely another "Saifool" in a vile and imbecilic political masquerade that has plunged Malaysia into the deepest, darkest pit of iniquity.

Azlan Mohd Lazim (above, right), Saiful Bukhari Azlan's estranged father, earns his living as an Umno go-between, fixing deals and negotiating clandestine transactions. He was instrumental in coordinating the secret PAS-Umno meetings soon after 8 March 2008. Azlan Mohd Lazim is on a special committee of Umno entrepreneurs, headed by Romeli Musa (of Sapura Holdings) determined to stop Anwar Ibrahim from becoming PM and Pakatan Rakyat from taking over the federal government.

A special plug for my favorite Swami

December 3, 2009

THE TRANSFORMATIONAL POWER OF LAUGHTER ~ SERIOUSLY!

By Steve Bhaerman @ Swami Beyondananda

Why comedy in these serious times? It's simple... there's definitely something funny going on!" - Swami Beyondananda

Considering the increasingly serious condition our society and planet seem to be in, and given the persistent failure of just about every one of society's institutions, focusing on comedy might seem counterintuitive.

Or, it might turn out to be just what the doctor (or for that matter, the paradox) ordered. Let's take, for example, the sad truth that the Obama Administration has proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Democratic Party misleadership (like the Republican misleadership) has betrayed the commonwealth in favor of the uncommonly wealthy.

The Evolutionary Up-Wising is Up to Us!

We can do what is expected of us - fall into cynicism, apathy or denial, and numb ourselves with reality TV because it's easier to face than reality. Or, we can use this as an opportunity to go cold turkey on "hopium addiction," and recognize that neither freedom nor functionality can be bestowed from above, but comes from cultivating two evolutionary practices: awareness and community.

The implications of what new edge science has been telling us - that we are not victims of a vengeful God or a random universe, but conscious co-creators of our reality - are both awesome and intimidating. As Bruce Lipton and I point out in Spontaneous Evolution, we stand on the threshold of the greatest adventure in recorded history, conscious evolution.

In order to take advantage of this evolutionary opportunity, we humans will need to cultivate the two great gifts that have been bestowed on our species: love and imagination.

Laughter - and the awakening that comes in the wake of laughter - will help us magnify and cultivate both of those precious tools.

I have written the Wake Up Laughing e-book - and purposely made it available to be proliferated widely as a digital download - because I believe the distinctions uncovered in my two decades as a cosmic comic (and a lifetime of humor appreciation) can help us gain the courage, the perspective, the love and the creativity we will need to navigate this extraordinary passage.

And the perspective of humor (the "aha" that comes with the "ha ha") will help us process and put into practice the understandings Bruce and I write about in Spontaneous Evolution.

Give the Gift of Laughter ...

So ... if you wish to help move forward the "evolutionary up-wising" where we overgrow our current system from the grassroots up, one simple and highly-enjoyable step is to read the freely-available book introduction here.

And order your copy (or copies for a dozen friends and cohorts) here.

We have purposely extended the one-third off $10 price through Friday, December 18th to make it easier for you to give the gift of enlightening laughter -- and enlighten up your friends as well through our Buddysattva program.

Remember, the laugh you save may be your own!

... and Give the Gift of Encouragement

You can also help move the evolutionary up-wising forward this Holiday season by giving the gift of encouragement. For a truly heartening story based on modern science and ancient wisdom, consider giving Spontaneous Evolution to friends, family and "co-hearts" on your list.

The reviews are coming in, and tend to echo what biologist and author Elisabet Sahtouris has written: "Spontaneous Evolution is a wonderfully exciting, enlightening and heartening ride! Read it and know exactly where we stand and how we can thrive."

You will also note that 19 of the 21 reviews Spontaneous Evolution has received on Amazon are five-star reviews!

You can support our own "global local" bookstore, Source Books by buying your copy of the Spontaneous Evolution book here.

And support the Swami and I directly by ordering the Sounds True Spontaneous Evolution 5 CD set here.

Already read the book? Add your reviews to Amazon.com, or send them here.

Want to learn more? Hear Bruce and I on the air in December!

[Left: Bruce Lipton & Steve Bhaerman]