Friday, February 6, 2026

Understanding Pedo, Necro & Coprophilia (revisited)


I’ve noticed a spate of sensational stories about child marriages, child prostitution and assorted pedophilic perversions. Apparently the Dirty Old Man Syndrome is erupting everywhere: in Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, the Philippines, Belgium, Britain, Germany, the USA, Israel, Australia, even (or should I say especially?) halal countries like Saudi Arabia, Yemen, and Malaysia.

I was tickled to find a self-help organisation for pedophiles called the North American Man-Boy Love Association of which the late poet Allen Ginsberg (shown at left) was a member. He was once quoted in the New York Times as saying: “It’s a discussion society, not a procurement organization. I myself don’t like underage boys. But they have a right to talk about the age of consent. I see it as a free speech issue, a discussion of the law.”

Pedophilia is nothing new, the cynic opines. To the cynic there’s never anything new. Ecocide, exploitation, rape, genocide, venality, skullduggery - it’s all been done ever since way back when. Which isn’t saying anything at all except: “Look, don’t bother me, I have problems of my own and bills to pay.”

Perhaps viciousness and perniciousness have always been part of the human melodrama. However, we haven’t always had the benefit of worldwide media (and social media) coverage of these apparent aberrations. Hence we must accept the challenge of honest, open discussion - followed by deep, quiet contemplation. That’s the only hope we have of transmuting our tragedies into cogent collective learning experiences, if not actual comedies, since it’s not easy to laugh when an 11-year-old daughter of a friend’s friend (or, worse, your own) has just been gang-banged by a pack of demented ruffians or, worse, abducted by human traffickers.

This is no light topic we’re delving into here. One might have to ruminate through a whole shelf of densely-worded books to study the problem in depth. Nonetheless, a hysterical demand for “stiffer penalties” or “beefed-up security” is no way to resolve anything. Already we are far too punitive in our approach to eradicating crime. No doubt there are instances where a quick tight slap or a sharp rap on the knuckles or a well-timed shout could be highly effective in preventing the recurrence of wrongdoing - but generally we are, as a species, dangerously prone to scapegoating and too goddamned reluctant to accept responsibility for whatever happens in our cozy little artificial realities.

Violent, invasive behavior like rape or molestation arouses deep and ancient fears in the social psyche. It is my contention, however, that such occurrences compel us to investigate their root-causes, to look within our own taboo systems for clues that might help us resolve certain internal conflicts.

Questions of power - and powerlessness - must be raised. Events that manifest externally are often metaphors of internal conditions and circumstances. Patterns of psychosis and neurosis researched by generations of Freudians, Jungians, Reichians and Transactional psychologists need to be re-evaluated and collectively understood.

Sigmund Freud’s ground-breaking theories on the Oedipus/Electra Complex, wherein he postulated an incipient erotic tension that invariably exists between Sons and Mothers, Daughters and Fathers - and inversions of these “complexes” along homosexual lines - seem to have fallen out of favor in recent decades. But no metaphor worth its weight in words has a use-by date: there is always a grain of truth in these generalizations that can help us look beyond the surface of actions and events.

When confronted with such unpleasant “facts of life” as robbery, rape, slavery, tyranny and the fascinating variety of abuses we keep inflicting on each other, I tend to examine my own preprogrammed prejudices a little more closely. It’s so easy to feel fear and loathing towards some projected Monster at the threshold of our comfortable domesticity. But it’s far more enlightening, I feel, to nose around the seldom-visited, cobwebby crannies of our own “unconscious” where, to be sure, we are bound to stumble on some moldy skeletons locked away from public, and even private, scrutiny.

Name the deed. I have committed it sometime, somewhere in the illusory privacy of my innermost thoughts. As folk-poet Bob Dylan once wryly sang: “If my thought-dreams/could be seen/they’d probably put my head/in a guillotine.”

I’m talking about the uneasy mixture of attraction and repulsion we all feel in the face of a ghastly accident or when we hear of some unspeakable act. An enraged husband chopping his wife into tiny bits and turning her into a curry. A necrophilic morgue attendant caught with his pants down. A scoutmaster coaxing campsite blowjobs out of his pet cubs. A deranged warlord dining on the raw livers of his murdered enemies. A wild-eyed mind-controlled "terrorist" blowing himself up along with a tentful of infidel stormtroopers. A veteran coach offering his post-pubescent athletes full-body rub-downs as a regular part of his training regimen. Now this last “unspeakable act” I readily admit might have caused me to feel fleetingly regretful that I never took sports seriously enough.

Have I ever “lusted” after a minor of either sex? Yes and no. Yes, because I have encountered extremely adorable children whom I thoroughly enjoyed dandling on my lap and cuddling wholeheartedly. No, because it has never occurred to me that I should stick my prick into any of those tiny, tender orifices.

Sensual pleasure is not necessarily confined to the genitals - and I believe there is absolutely nothing despicable about being openly sensuous. Take household cats and dogs for example: are they bashful about demanding their daily quota of affectionate fondling?

All living things emanate a vibrant electromagnetic field which can be charged up through bioenergetic contact with a sympathetic field. It is, in fact, an important factor in the maintenance of good health and a general sense of well-being. (Readers interested in exploring this further should read Wilhelm Reich’s seminal work, The Function of the Orgasm.)

However, where brute force, coercion, and fear tactics come into the picture, we have to diagnose the behavior as pathological. There’s a world of difference between seduction and rape, between persuasion and compulsion. And, most importantly, there is always a need for mutual respect and love. A society that repeatedly exhorts young people to respect their elders is definitely out of balance with itself. Respect must always be reciprocal and spontaneous. It must be won honestly, not elicited at gunpoint or by wielding the cane.

Without this basic understanding, is it any wonder that our do-as-I-say-don’t-do-as-I-do forms of parochial authority have generated such a horrific spectrum of abuses, particularly of disenfranchised factions like children, women, animals, indigenous cultures and “illegal immigrants”?

Here it may be useful to turn our attention to the work of Immanuel Velikovsky (1895-1979) - medical doctor, psychoanalyst, classical scholar and cosmological theorist extraordinaire. Having given up his medical practice to study with Freud and Jung, Velikovsky next got involved in helping his father compile a monumental history of Hebraic culture. Before long Velikovsky was fluent in several ancient languages, and found himself completely engrossed in his research. A gestalt of pre-Christian lore began to form in his fertile mind, leading to the publication in 1950 of his first book, Worlds in Collision.

In a nutshell, Velikovsky’s hypothesis was that the Earth had undergone at least one cataclysmic trauma within human memory, when an electromagnetic derangement of the solar system caused Venus and Mars to approach perilously close to our planet, resulting in dramatic aberrations of her spin, axial inclination and the temporary collapse of her magnetic field. Needless to say, the havoc was nightmarish beyond comprehension. Entire civilizations were erased with barely a trace. Continents drifted thousands of miles apart, radically altering the very surface of the Earth and her climatic zones.

When the dust finally settled, the human survivors had regressed into animality, totally amnesiac about the horrors of the cosmic holocaust that had hit them like a million nuclear disasters all at once. The only way to heal and move on was to quickly forget. But buried deep within the collective psyche of the human race, distrust and resentment of God (or the gods) had formed the seed of a primal existential angst that plagues us to this day.

And thus perpetual doubt and egoic insecurity festered in the racial memory, erupting now and again in amok episodes amongst the scattered tribes. The irrational urge to ravage and plunder in quasi-ecstatic surrender to the wild promptings of the Id became the basis of human history. After each release of pent-up primal rage, the rampaging hordes would suddenly turn into farmers, artisans, merchants and philosopher-scientists. This Jekyll-and-Hyde pattern of human behavior, and the inner conflicts it engendered, produced a schizoid dichotomy in our moral sense:

Daddy beats us when we are Bad. He says we must be Good. But we can see that Daddy does Bad things sometimes. We want to be like Daddy. We shall be Good when Daddy is watching us - but when he isn’t we can be as Bad as we want.

In 1955 Velikovsky published Earth in Upheaval - augmenting his original hypothesis with fresh evidence supporting his catastrophe theory. By this time the American scientific community had been alerted to the threat that Velikovsky posed to the entire edifice of academic dogma. He was dismissed as a charlatan, a quack, merely a publicity-seeker. Velikovsky was primarily a medical doctor and psychoanalyst; he had no business venturing into the archeological, paleontological and cosmological domains. Catastrophe theory? Totally beyond the pale, outrageous and amateurish, if not outright crank.

To make sure no paradigm shift would be triggered by this maverick scholar, the university community browbeat Velikovsky’s publisher (who specialized in academic works) into rejecting all his future manuscripts. In effect the publishing firm had no choice: if it continued to entertain Velikovsky, it would lose all its lucrative textbook contracts. And so Velikovsky was forced to use a non-academic publisher, which seriously undermined his credibility in the eyes of the reading public. It wasn’t till after his death in 1979 that scientific evidence from various space probes began to validate many of his cosmic scenarios.

As a development of his catastrophe theory, Velikovsky had put forward a clear diagnosis and prescription for the healing of the human psyche. Beyond a certain point, protective amnesia was counter-survival. We had to convert our cellularly-ingrained traumatic experience into conscious memory. This cathartic release of the genetically-transmitted emotive charge would ultimately lead to maturity and wisdom, a coming of age of humanity.

In short, Velikovsky was advising the human race to see a shrink. Or at least recognize the critical need for uncensored deep memory retrieval and rituals of reconciliation as a prerequisite of emotional healing. We now have the benefit of a broad spectrum of unorthodox emotional therapies developed since the late 1960s which have yet to be incorporated into orthodox healing practices. I suspect the powerful pharmaceutical companies that dictate medical practice are adamantly opposed to these alternative approaches - mainly because these remedies and cures do not involve prescription drugs.

Now this long digression on Velikovsky is necessary to our discussion - if only as a demonstration of how stubbornly reluctant humans are to confront the mystery of our origins and to acknowledge the abysmal gaps in our historical memory. By refusing to face the truth for fear of its “nastiness” - in other words, to “save face” - we are prepared to go on living in a neurotic hell of programmed unawareness, rather than endure the brief pain of remembrance, acceptance, reconciliation, forgiveness of our own so-called sins and therefore others’ - which is an absolute requirement for true happiness and contentment. But, no, we insist on blaming it all on somebody else. And thereby keep missing the opportunity for authentic self-knowledge, ultimately the only kind of knowledge that won’t destroy us.

What, then, do we make of our assorted “philias”? Why can’t pedophiia simply be an unconditional and uninhibited love of our young? What’s so wrong with us that we have to carry it to the crazy extreme of wanting to screw  them? Is it because we have been made to feel ashamed of our need to fondle and caress and cuddle? In a community of sexually fulfilled adults, every child would be vouchsafed the inviolability of his or her innocence. For in such a community, guilt itself would not exist.

What of necrophilia - the erotic abuse of the dead? Is it not a twisted form of ancestor worship? Or perhaps a chromosomal crossover from our hyena and vulture days, the heady days of drooling carrion-eating? Personally I don’t feel at all turned on by cadavers, but I can vaguely understand how an extremely shy or timid person could be forced into fornicating with the non-living - simply because the dead don’t tell tales or talk back and they can’t refuse, reject or resist. But, then, wouldn’t it be more hygienic (and politically correct) to discharge one’s libidinal excesses on a lifesized inflatable sex doll? Could I myself be lured into such a macabre sexual experience? Over my dead body!

On the reverse side of necrophilia, our myths abound with instances where a Queen or Goddess has succeeded in getting herself impregnated by a deceased husband. The Egyptian Goddess Isis was said to have conceived her son Horus after her consort Osiris had been murdered and cut to pieces - simply by using his severed member as a dildo while reciting ritual incantations.

I mentioned coprophilia - an obsession with shit - and now I’m beginning to regret it, because the subject can get really messy.

But the relationship between toilet training and military discipline has long been observed, particularly by that eclectic savant and student of bizarre behavior, Robert Anton Wilson - who, in his revealing study of conditioned reflexes, Prometheus Rising, drew attention to the sphincter-contracting fear of paternal punishment around which soldierly training revolves. Being tight-lipped, tight-assed, constipated, scared shitless - or, conversely, loose-mouthed, loud-bottomed, diarrhetic, flatulent, artillery arsed - are expressions commonly heard in army barracks.

As an amateur fecologist myself, I have developed an elementary theory about the universal truthfulness of shit. Hunters rely on its traces when stalking their prey. One can glean an astonishing amount of information from the careful analysis of fecal matter. Indeed the study of fossilized dung is a formal academic discipline in its own right, known as scatology. You can tell exactly what the subject had for breakfast (input) simply by scrutinizing his, her, or its droppings (output). Unfortunately modern sanitation has made it extremely difficult to become an authority in this field.

Coprophilia as a neurotic syndrome has been sagely commented upon by no less an expert than Stanislav Grof (pictured right), former Chief of Psychiatric Research at the Maryland Psychiatric Research Center and later Assistant Professor of Psychiatry at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. Prof. Grof’s theory of the Basic Perinatal Matrix - conditions and circumstances surrounding one’s birth experience - constitute an immeasurably valuable model of early trauma patterns.

For example, the tortuous process of being squeezed through the birth canal - with its attendant anxieties and horrors, mixed in with sensory data like the aroma of urine and feces and blood, plus the slimy sensation of slithering down a stygian tunnel towards the light - often imprints the psyche with a confusion of violent, hellish images, which later results in a tendency to will into being the violent, hellish reality of war.

The entry into physical reality for many of us is a pungent, panic-inducing, life-threatening event full of gory, gooey, ghoulish subconscious memories that can result in an unconscious hankering for a return to the safety of the womb - in other words, the sanctuary of the fetal domain where no irksome responsibilities reside, where the All-Sustaining Mother provides and protects, where no decisions have to be made and therefore no possibility of error or failure exists. This results in a chronic sense of anomie or alienation - an inability to feel for others.

Grof was convinced that a person’s predisposition towards optimism or pessimism depended largely on whether his or her experience of birth was smooth or rough.

Most clinical psychiatrists are of the opinion that such theories are basically a load of crap. They prefer the biochemical solution of dosing the “mentally ill” with synaptic suppressors and assorted tranquillizers. In effect, these practitioners tend to follow the conventional unwisdom of ignoring the causes while forcefully attacking the effects of disease. If they were transferred to a law court, they would be advocates of corporal and capital punishment. Stiffer penalties, beefed-up security, and so on.

What Grof - and a growing number of his more adventurous colleagues - advocate is “pneumocatharsis”: holotropic therapy, deep breathing, hypnotic regression techniques that trigger dramatic death/rebirth experiences in the subject. In other words, a good honest look down our own genealogical and reincarnational time tracks. In recent years I have personally investigated and benefited hugely from emotional healing modalities like Systemic Family Constellation and Lindwall Emotional Releasing. If you feel you could do with some internal clearing, I strongly recommend you explore these powerful self-healing methods.

No blame, no shame. The name of the game is opening to the truth. For the truth, as Velikovsky was only trying to remind us, shall set us free.

[This article first appeared in the December 1996 issue of Journal One. It was published here 24 April 2007, reposted 27 October 2013, 29 March 2016, 6 July 2018, 24 April 2020 & 7 May 2023]

Hmmm.... warped tendency... or what?

Thursday, February 5, 2026

ANWAR IBRAHIM'S STATEMENT FROM THE DOCK ON 10 FEBRUARY 2015


I maintain my innocence of this foul charge - this incident never happened. This is complete fabrication - coming from a political conspiracy to stop my political career.

You have not given proper consideration to the case presented by my counsel from day one - that this incident never happened at all.

But instead you chose to remain on the dark side and drown your morals and your scruples in a sea of falsehood and subterfuge. Know you not that you are now wallowing in filth and foulness and the stench of your injustice will permeate through every nook and cranny of this so-called Palace of Justice and I do pity you all.
I can go on and on but I see from your statement today that it will be fruitless - it appears as I have been condemned again as I was in the court of appeal. only here we went through a facade of an eight day hearing.

It is not a coincidence how the PM was able to release a full written statement on your decision barely minutes after you handed your judgment today even before sentencing.

In bowing to the dictates of the political masters, you have become partners in crime for the murder of judicial independence and integrity. You have sold your souls to the devil, bartering your conscience for material gain and comfort and security of office.

You had the best opportunity to redeem yourselves – to right the wrongs of the past and put the judiciary on a clean slate and carve your names for posterity as true defenders of justice.

Yes, you have passed judgement on me – and I will, again for the third time, walk into prison but rest assured my head will be held high. The light shines on me.

But the shame is on you for you will be judged by history as the great cowards of humanity. Sitting on that high horse of judicial power, you have stooped so low to become the underlings of the political masters.

Students of law and professors of jurisprudence will scrutinize your judgments and as they dissect your reasoning and your decision, your credibility and integrity will be torn to tatters. And you will be exposed as the fraudsters who don the robe of judicial power only to pervert the course of justice.
Umno lawyer Shafee Abdullah, appointed
by fiat to lead the prosecution against Anwar
Do not forget that, as all of us will have to, you too will have to answer to your maker. You will have to answer why you turned your backs on the principles that you had so solemnly sworn to uphold.

People who come into your court have to bow their heads and address you as ‘My Lords’ but don’t you know that you too will have to answer to your Lord one day? By then you will need more than bowing and prostration to justify why you willfully transgressed Allah’s command as ordained in Surah an-Nisaa, verse 58:

Indeed, Allah commands you to render trusts to whom they are due and when you judge between people to judge with justice. Excellent is that which Allah instructs you. Indeed, Allah is ever Hearing and Seeing.

Going to jail, I consider a sacrifice I make for the people of this country.

I have fought most of my life on behalf of the people of this country - for the people I am willing to go to jail or face any other consequence.

My struggle will continue, wherever I am sent and whatever is done to me.

To my friends and fellow Malaysians let me thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the support you have given me. And Allah is my witness. I pledge and I will not be silenced, I will fight on for freedom and justice - and I will never surrender!
Anwar Ibrahim
[First posted 10 February 2015]

Friday, January 30, 2026

The A Bao A Qu Mystery Revisited

Fanciful depiction of the A Bao A Qu found on the internet

IN APRIL 1993 I received a strange request in the post. John Hagedorn - an American educationist-cum- percussionist then based in Alexandria, Egypt - wrote asking me to research the Malayan origins of the legend of "A Bao A Qu." Hagedorn's travel-writer colleague, Christopher Green, had unearthed this obscure tale from Jorge Luis Borges's 1967 Book of Imaginary Beings.

Borges claimed he had found the "A Bao A Qu" story in the appendix of C.C. Iturvuru's 1937 treatise, On Malay Witchcraft. I finally tracked down Borges's version of the "A Bao A Qu" story in the University of Malaya library - so I can vouch for the reliability of Green's succinct summary of this hoary tale:

To see the most lovely landscape in the world, a traveler must climb the Tower of Victory in Chitor

King Kumbhakaran
aka Rana Kumbha
[Green says he found on a map of India a town named Chitor. For what it's worth, there is indeed a town named Chittorgarh in Rajasthan province where the legendary warrior king Rana Kumbha constructed a Tower of Victory in 1448.]

A winding staircase gives access to the circular terrace on top, but only those who do not believe in the legend dare climb the tower.

On the stairway there has lived since the beginning of time a being sensitive to the many shades of the human soul known as A Bao A Qu. It sleeps until the approach of a traveler and some secret life within it begins to glow and its translucent body begins to stir.

As the traveler climbs the stairs, the being regains consciousness and follows at the traveler's heels, becoming more intense in bluish color and coming closer to perfection. But it achieves its ultimate form only at the topmost step, and only when the traveler is one who has already attained Nirvana, whose acts cast no shadows.

Otherwise, the being hesitates at the final step and suffers at its inability to achieve perfection

["Its moan is a barely audible sound, something like the rustling of silk."]

It tumbles to the first step as the traveler climbs down and collapses weary and shapeless, awaiting the approach of the next traveler.

In the course of the centuries, A Bao A Qu has reached the terrace only once.

For some reason I felt sure that C.C. Iturvuru (what an amazing name!) had heard the tale from an Orang Asli. The first person I asked happened to be Seri Pagi (though I only knew him as Pak Diap then). I gave him a simplified rendering of the A Bao A Qu legend and waited while the rusty gears of his memory whirred. His brow furrowed and then he broke into a broad grin, exclaiming in triumph: "Abang Aku! You mean Abang Aku!"

But of course. The way Orang Asli slur their vowels (especially in the states of Negri Sembilan and Pahang), Iturvuru might well have heard it as "A Bao A Qu." My Elder Brother, Abang Aku.*

I felt a jolt of electrifying knowledge. Diap said he remembered hearing a story similar to that when he was very young. It involved a spiral stairway connecting one dimension to another. A stairway once used by visiting or incarnating stargods. They say some got caught out by the calamitous closing of the interdimensional pathways. Once brilliant stars in their own universe, they fell to Earth and became ensnared in Time. Some of them ended up just like poor Abang Aku alias A Bao A Qu. A spirit fragment of cosmos caught in the gravity of human karma; a glorious starbeing lying inert at the bottom of the stairway to heaven, dependent on messy human destiny for its own fulfilment.

Only one other Elder seemed to have heard of Abang Aku. Village shaman Sudin Aus kept nodding sagely when I outlined the A Bao A Qu story to him. Then he smiled and said, “My Elder Brother is a reference to the Orang Asli. Our spirit will not be free until the younger races achieve nobility of purpose and purity of heart.”

Almost everyone, however, was familiar with the cryptic image of the long and winding stairway to the most wonderful view on Earth.

THE A BAO A QU MYTH evoked images of chakras - energy spirals operating on macro and micro levels - primordial forces attaining self-awareness, and nebulous notions of some deep alchemical mystery - an H.P. Lovecraftian vision of the strange, chthonic thoughtfields from which our familiar symbols sprout. 


“Abang Aku” brought to mind the Great Old Ones, ancient squid-like beings central to Lovecraft’s Chthulu tales. (It also brought to mind Gurdjieff's Kundabuffer. This peculiar word was coined in the 1920s by the Greek-Russian magician-philosopher, G.I. Gurdjieff, to explain some "tragic flaw" in Man's genetic programme which condemns him to futile lifetimes of Sisyphean** struggle, forever slipping back into robotic animality just when he's on the threshold of illumination. 

Some believe that this "Kundabuffer Effect" was deliberately installed by a somewhat insecure Creator God (or gods), to retard the evolution of human intelligence and thereby perpetuate a harnessable labour force on Earth. The Tower of Babel story lends credence to this notion of an "Almighty Father-God" who, feeling threatened by his mortal creatures' overweening ambitions, confounds them with a babble of tongues. Another scenario describes how humanity had its original 12-strand DNA reduced to two, to confine our consciousness within the physical world.)

I sensed that the A Bao A Qu story offered a key insight into the magical teachings of the Ancients. At some remote point in the infinite spiral of existence, an aspect of Spirit found itself trapped in a Promethean*** nightmare loop of recurring time. Only a self-realized and karma-free human could release the A Bao A Qu from its eternal yearning for perfection.

Tower of Victory in Chittorgarh,
Rajasthan, India

The Tower of Victory. Victory over death? Despair? Futility? The magic column of ascension, located in Chitor. Chita? Chita, cita, cinta, citta. Sanskrit for a quality difficult to define: essentially, citta means mindstuff, consciousness.

Chita or cita is closely related to cinta, romantic love - desire, emotions, feelings, longing, love, aspiration. (It could also, by invoking homophonic licence, be a slurring of cherita - nowadays spelled cerita - which means "story.") In effect one might describe chita as a poetic symbol for the Imagination, the Desiring Mind. But this is assuming it is related to Chitor, the town named in the legend of A Bao A Qu. And I assume it is, because myth is meant to be a malleable, dreamlike substance. 

The test of myth-entering keys lies in their emotive resonance when struck. Substituting “Abang Aku” for “A Bao A Qu,” “Chita” and “cerita” for “Chitor,” and “you” for “the traveler” - what do we get? A metaphysical conundrum that echoes in some barely remembered attic of our unconscious. A vague feeling of déjà vu, of “When did I dream this dream?” 

Was I the intrepid traveler, the hero, the messiah, redeemer of gooey amorphous geeks? Or was I Abang Aku himself, waiting eon upon eon for humanity to attain Buddha and Christ consciousness? Who else would have “already attained Nirvana,” whose acts would “cast no shadows” - in other words, be completely free of karmic consequences. And who might this Exalted Being be - if not our own Noblest Aspect, the Omega point of our Adamic Alpha?

That's why Abang Aku reaches perfection only once. However, his dream body or holoform remains embedded in the mythic realm as a timely trigger, to awaken anyone who chances upon the legend to the nature of his or her true purpose on this Earth.

 

______________

*  A. Ghani Ismail, an ardent scholar of Malay esoteric lore, offers some information which sheds a whole different light on the A Bao A Qu legend. He suggests that the phrase in question is actually a slurring of “Ibu Aku” (“My Mother”), explaining that in pre-Islamic Malay shamanism, the gateway to other dimensions was via an inner journey through the spiral staircase of the etheric umbilical cord which reconnects us with our pre-birth experience of oneness with the Mother. By voyaging beyond the point of our own conception, we break through the veils of time and space and regain cosmic consciousness. I thought this variation on the theme warranted inclusion, at least as a footnote.

** Sisyphean: from Sisyphus, in Greek mythology a cruel and cunning king of Corinth, who was punished in Hades by being made to roll a heavy boulder up a steep hill. Every time he got to the summit, the boulder would roll back down the hill, and Sisyphus had to repeat the process over and over forever.

*** Promethean: from Prometheus, in Greek mythology a first-generation god (or Titan) of Fire and Intellect, who returned the gift of Fire to Mankind (which Zeus the second-generation Olympian had withheld) - and for that was chained to a rock and his liver devoured by an eagle every day. Every night, the liver would regenerate and Prometheus would come back to life, only to have the eagle eat his liver all over again, and so on, ad infinitum. (It's less gory, but a lot scarier, when you approach this mythic morsel as a giant metaphor for compulsory reincarnation: Prometheus is the Soul, the rock is the physical world, the liver represents a lifetime, and the eagle is the emblem of Higher Authority or Spiritual Law. As a symbol, the eagle is interchangeable with the Indonesian garuda, the Chinese phoenix, the Mexican quetzal, or the Russian firebird, which represents Eternal Return. And Prometheus, the Fire-Bringer, is often identified with Lucifer, the Light-Bringer.) From the 'Management' point of view, Prometheus is a subversive element -  but 'Labor' would see him as a cult hero, a freedom fighter, a System-bucking Little Red Robin Hood!

[This essay was originally included as a chapter in my book TANAH TUJUH ~ Close Encounters with the Temuan Mythos, published by Silverfish Books in 2007. First posted 15 October 2022. Reposted 24 October 2025]


Wednesday, January 28, 2026

THE PURINA DIET (revisited)

I was at the supermarket buying a large bag of Purina for my dogs and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........Duh!

I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.

I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.

I said no..... I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.




[Great story, huh? Wish I knew who wrote it, but it was originally fowarded to me by an Old Sea Dog named Harold Smith. Figured I'd immortalize it on my blog. As for the hilarious image, no idea which perverted genius concocted it, but I'm glad my friend Hari sent it along. I use it as a Rorschach test for anal retentivity! First posted 21 January 2007]

Saturday, January 24, 2026

Unpublished interview with a walk-in named Antares (updated)

In October 2011 I was without home access to the internet. We are all creatures of habit and I continued sitting at my computer, sorting out the contents of my personal folders so I could save useful documents on a pen drive. This exercise yielded some interesting discoveries from the recent past - like this hitherto unpublished interview (dated 14 September 2003) conducted by Joeanne Foo, a mass communications student whose assignment was to write a magazine profile on any "colorful and unusual" personality. She began by sending me 13 questions...



1) Who is Antares?

A possible walk-in phenomenon, perhaps, wherein a multidimensional entity (from beyond the 3D Matrix) has effectively fused with the human personality known as "Kit Leee" - or else Antares is a temporary User ID for surfing the zuvuya (what the Maya call the intergalactic, interdimensional memory network). All names, all labels, are essentially part of the return journey to our original and ultimate Ineffability (meaning, the perfect state of Namelessness, or the Tao).

2) What would you consider the biggest achievement(s) in your life?


Remembering the Source of Life and reconnecting with It. On a more modest scale, getting my mother to spell my 3D name, Kit Leee, with 3 E's was exceptionally gratifying. She finally accepted my Third E only after seeing the name printed on the cover of my first book, ADOI! I am also extremely proud of the fact that I quit my last full-time job on 1st April 1977 and have been gleefully "unemployed" since!

3) You talked about having an awakening, what is that all about?





During the 13,000-year long Galactic Night when our Solar System was aligned in the opposite direction from the Milky Way Center, all life entered into a deep sleep and became more and more mechanical in its functions (this has been depicted in allegoric terms in popular folklore, e.g., the legend of the Sleeping Beauty). All through this period of reduced consciousness, which Hindu cosmogony calls Kali yuga or the Age of Darkness, individual souls have awoken to the true nature of their beings from time to time, but were often viewed as avatars (divine incarnations), messiahs or prophets (in effect, put on a pedestal and worshiped, but their message was ignored or misconstrued).

As we approach the dawn of a new Galactic Day, this process of Awakening will happen to more and more individuals until a critical mass is attained, at which point humanity as a whole will remember its true destiny and no longer be enslaved by fear, ignorance, and false beliefs. My individual awakening in 1969 continues to be the central motif of my life - and my determination to never again forget my reason for being has given me the inner resolve to persevere against all odds. (If you genuinely wish to explore this theme further, I suggest you read my long letter to a friend now accessible online.

4) Many people see you as a rather eccentric person, do you see yourself that way?

My understanding of the word "eccentric" is that it describes an orbital pattern that is "off-center" or differently aligned than others. In certain areas I behave just like everybody else, while in others I am completely unique. In short, if people enjoy describing my inclinations as "eccentric" they are free to do so, but their opinions have little impact on my inner reality. I certainly don't view myself as "eccentric" - if anything, I am "centric" or at least "concentric."

5) If you could turn back time somehow, would you choose to live your life differently?



Absolutely not. Well, maybe I'd change my mind about incarnating on this planet - but then I'd be missing all the fun. Who knows? I didn't plan a single day of my life - and thus far the results have been way beyond my wildest expectations.


6) Would you consider yourself a celebrity?

Anyone who even takes the word "celebrity" seriously needs to be reformatted! Why? There's no real meaning or value to being "famous" – the more people that "know of" you the fewer close friends you actually end up having. No doubt in my younger days I enjoyed being admired, recognized, praised for my work. I guess I still do, but I will no longer do something just to get my picture in the weeklies. Sometimes I can't help thinking it could be quite enjoyable to be completely anonymous and have access to a multibillion-dollar numbered account in Switzerland - but that's just on really bad-hair days.

7) Tell me more about your involvement with music.



Music is among the major sources of pleasure for me - whether making it or merely listening. The word derives from "Muse" (inspiration, being moved by Spirit) - which shows how crucial music is to raising our consciousness, lifting our spirits, sensitizing us to aesthetics (the appreciation of beauty, harmony, truth).  Furthermore, music can only occur in real time - and is therefore the most elegant way to experience and enjoy Time. My musical taste is what you might call "eclectic" - I am attracted to the singer, not the song; in other words, if the musician/performer has integrity and originality of expression, I find it appealing. I am not particularly interested in musical genres, as such. If a piece of music inspires me, it matters little whether it is classified jazz or classics or pop or avant-garde.

8) You seem to be mentioning a lot about 'rainbow' in your website. Nelson Mandela used the word to describe a multiracial nation. Do you use it in the same context?

The rainbow is a universal symbol of perfect harmony - of the essential unity of all pluralities (the 12 colors of the spectrum are essentially a transcendental, colorless wholeness, represented by Light). Darkness is not an entity unto itself, merely the absence of Light - which manifests in rainbow colors as many languages, many tribes, many forms, many approaches to self-knowledge. So, in response to your question, the rainbow means more than just multi-ethnicity to me - it encompasses a magical quality of awesome splendor, of innocence and openness to all manifestations of life in the entire spectrum of possibility. The rainbow carries the frequency of joy, celebration, divine ecstasy.

9) What are your future plans?

The future is how I feel at any moment. How can I plan the way I feel from one moment to the next? Life would cease to be spontaneous! In other words, I do not plan my life - although under specific circumstances, e.g., when I want to travel or manifest a public event, I have to do a certain amount of preparation, deciding what to pack, what form of transport to take, or where and when to stage the show and who to invite. Apart from that, I prefer to be fully present in the moment - and thus able to respond instantly and wholeheartedly to any given situation.

10) You have explored many religions, which one do you find the most fascinating and that you hold on to in life?


All religions have a certain fascination or they would have no followers at all. In general, I find the older belief systems a great deal more mature and acceptable - and a lot less divisive - than the younger ones. Although I have at various times experimented with pretending to be "hindu" or "buddhist" I have found myself gravitating towards the most ancient of belief systems, which some call paganism and others Gnosticism. But even so I do not consider myself a practitioner of any specific belief system, not even scientific pantheism (which closely describes my basic attitude towards existence). As John C. Lilly (a pioneer researcher of altered states of human consciousness) once said: "Belief systems are like clothes. The harsher the climate, the more clothes one wears. But in paradise, under ideal conditions, one doesn't need clothes." In other words, if you want to live in heaven, befriend the naked truth!

11) Do you feel like you have total control over yourself and what you believe in or do you find yourself sometimes lost in your own eccentricity?



Total control? I certainly don't have that - and doubt I would want it. If you mean, do I have total control over my thoughts and feelings - the answer is "no way!" A certain degree of control, of course, is necessary or else one couldn't master anything, especially oneself. But I don't view self-mastery as being equal to self-control. Self-mastery means no longer seeking outside approval for one's being or behavior. Self-control means not desperately seeking to always impose one's preferences or truths on others, to shut up when no one wants your opinion - a mental state not at all easy to sustain.

12) Lightning, scary or fascinating? Mind explaining?


Lightning is always fascinating, even exciting, to me. It's a visible manifestation of electricity as it moves through the atmosphere - and to me electricity is my true father (and magnetism my true mother). We are, in truth, interesting byproducts of electromagnetic flux!

13) What's the difference between Antares and Kit Leee? Why emphasize on being Antares?


This question has been answered right from the start, but I'll answer it again, a bit differently. "Antares" is a name I "received" during a meditation, while in a lucid and mature state of mind (I had orbited the Sun 42 times). "Kit" was a name assigned to me at birth by my paternal grandfather (it means "hero" in Chinese, as in the Mandarin "Jet"). I like the name "Kit Leee" very much - but at a certain point it ceased to define my focus in life, which became less and less personal and more and more transpersonal. In effect the entity called "Kit Leee" was a human personality anxious about being liked or disliked, eager to become rich and famous (like everyone who lives under a tempurung is programmed to be). However, "Antares" serves to anchor my consciousness in concerns beyond the merely human, beyond the physical, egoic level where "survival" seems to be the central focus. "Antares" is a galactic tag which gives me access to galactic intelligence - very useful as we attain Galactic Alignment, as marked by the December solstice of 2012 (Gregorian Reckoning).

13 questions for you to attempt ;) Good luck...

Thank you. 13 is a powerful number indeed. It marks the end of an octave/cycle in which all preceding qualities are reconciled, integrated and harmonized!

[First posted 17 October 2011. Reposted 31 October 2016 & 27 December 2021]



Tuesday, January 20, 2026

JUST BE YOURSELF IN 2026!

Our individuality is a miraculous quality, attained through countless aeons of incarnate experience. Indeed, one could say being a fully conscious Integer/Oneness is the whole point and purpose of Evolution/Devolution.

For generations humanity has been misled by gurus and holographically inserted "messengers" who taught us that our own egos are our worst enemy - that one has to destroy one's ego in order to fuse with All That Is or Spirit Most High or The Great Void or whatever you wish to call this nebulous concept of Ultimate Awareness.

Yes, from the Ocean we emerge as tiny drops of consciousness, with a deeply embedded yearning to return to and merge with the Oceanic "I Am That I Am" - however, that merger can be experienced consciously only when we value our uniqueness as individuals.

Our task is to reunite with Source, bringing with us all our experiential databases and our particular perspectives. Think of it in terms of a band or orchestra. The soul must switch from playing in concert with everybody else - and yet be able to express its own specific being when required to solo.

This is one ramification of Hologram Theory, of the idea of ourselves as fractals of the Ultimate Unity. So, while I understand the Buddhistic preference for the path of "ego transcendence" (a very "Eastern" teaching, and one I have always rejected as totally misguided), I'm also prompted to offer my view. The "impersonal" is to me a very dangerous and dehumanizing perspective; it's what turns decent folk into faceless bureaucrats, honest individuals into nameless agents of institutionalized ideologies. Be TRANSpersonal by all means.... but NEVER IMpersonal!

And that "Love 'n' Light" stuff has long been co-opted and corrupted by New Age shysters who are mainly in it for the money!

I trust folks who sign off as their own authority, as their unique selves, instead of hiding behind anonymity or quoting various long-gone entities.

Photo by Spencer Tunick

Be proud of who you are and what you look like. That's what makes our physical existence an exquisite privilege. What joy is there in communicating with a thinking cloud, a burning bush, or a pulsating blue light?

The skin that enwraps the being that is YOU and/or ME is what separates each of us from the rest of the Youniverse, it's true - but at least it's something tangible, palpable, something we can caress, cherish, and savor.

[Originally posted 2 January 2007, reposted 14 January 2020]

Sunday, January 18, 2026

Understanding the 'tape worm' economy... (reprise)

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Former Assistant Secretary of Housing under George H.W. Bush, Catherine Austin Fitts, blows the whistle on how the financial terrorists have deliberately imploded the US economy and transferred gargantuan amounts of wealth offshore as a means of sacrificing the American middle class. Fitts documents how trillions of dollars went missing from government coffers in the 90's and how she was personally targeted for exposing the fraud.

Fitts explains how every dollar of debt issued to service every war, building project, and government program since the American Revolution up to around 2 years ago - around $12 trillion - has been doubled again in just the last 18 months alone with the bank bailouts. "We're literally witnessing the leveraged buyout of a country and that's why I call it a financial coup d'état, and that's what the bailout is for," states Fitts.

Massive amounts of financial capital have been sucked out the United States and moved abroad, explains Fitts, ensuring that corporations have become more powerful than governments, changing the very structure of governance on the planet and ensuring we are ruled by private corporations. Pension and social security funds have also been stolen and moved offshore, leading to the end of fiscal responsibility and sovereignty as we know it.

[First posted 20 January 2011]

Friday, January 16, 2026

News Flash! ~ by Jason Matson (reprise



We apologize for the interruption
In your programming,
However, we have breaking news to report.

Reliable sources
Have just confirmed a recent discovery
That has people around the world
Dancing in the streets.


People everywhere
Celebrated as the news spread across the globe
That we are not our credit reports.
I repeat, "We are not our credit reports!"


This shocking news was immediately followed
By a landslide of related discoveries:
It turns out that we are also
Not our resumes
Not our cars
Not the brand names we purchase
Not our stock portfolios

We are also not
Our children
Our parents
Our friends
Our employees
Our jobs
Our positions
Our titles
Our awards
Our prizes

Nor are we
Our Social Security numbers
Our telephone numbers
Our employee numbers
Our customer numbers
Our account numbers
Our license numbers
Our claim numbers
Our case numbers

Naturally, this raises the question of
What are we?
It is our understanding that we are something
But what, has yet to be determined.
Scientists, philosphers, and
Leaders of the world’s great religions
Have gathered in Johannesburg, South Africa,
To discuss how these very important discoveries
Will affect their explanations about
Life on Earth.

The most anyone can say at this point
Is that who or what we are

Is far greater than anything previously imagined.


We have also just learned that
Diamonds are not really forever
Because forever is actually much, much longer
Than we ever thought.
Nor are they necessarily a girl’s best friend
In fact, it seems that a girl’s best friend
Is none other than
Her best friend.

It has also been confirmed that
Money does not make the world go around
Nor is it the root of all evil.
In fact, money is really nothing at all
And has absolutely nothing to do
With value or worth.

The news of these discoveries
Has undoubtedly had a profound impact on the world
And especially in the United States.

In California, tanning salons and gyms began closing
As soon as people realized they could
Exercise outdoors in the sunshine.
Disneyland was abandoned once people understood
That happiness is not a place or a meal
Nor a thing to be pursued
But an attribute of nature
That is universally available to anyone
Who chooses to experience it.

In Las Vegas, casinos were empty once people
Noticed that nothing at all was happening in them.

In the mid-west, major league sports teams disbanded
When the players and fans realized
Winning has nothing to do with competition.

Some of the world’s most prestigious schools and universities
Have announced they will stop charging tuition or issuing diplomas

Instead, anyone who wishes to learn

May freely learn from anyone who wishes to be taught.


Doctors and nurses around the globe
Have begun treating and healing people for free
Because they now understand
That it’s wrong to only care for some and not for others.


Wars have been halted
And world-wide peace has broken out
As soldiers everywhere are laying down their weapons
And are choosing instead to help repair and heal war-torn nations.

By all accounts, it appears that a global revolution has began to occur.
The world’s stock markets have all collapsed and
People on every continent have begun to help each other
Out of kindness and compassion
Out of love and respect
Out of forgiveness and gratitude
Out of joy and celebration.


Some governments have even forgiven all debt
And countries that were once impoverished
Are now seeing truck-loads, plane-loads,
Boat-loads and train-loads
Of food, books, supplies, tools, and people
Lining their ports and borders
Eager to alleviate hunger and suffering.

In fact, a new world economy has begun to take shape
An economy not of competition, capital, and power
But of equality, diversity and integrity.
An economy of balance and peace.

People everywhere, freed from the pressure
To buy more, have more, in order to be more,
Are quitting their high paying corporate jobs
And starting to do things that are really important
Like traveling, learning, healing, evolving, and creating.


There has been a flood of new art, poetry, and music.
Many museums and galleries are now open 24-hours a day
And are packed around the clock with artists and patrons
Of every genre and media imaginable
Enjoying the free exchange of ideas and creativity.

But as incredible as this news is,
Not everyone is pleased about it.
Particularly the wealthy and the powerful.

Some have been observed wandering the streets
Desperately trying to hire people to guard and protect them
But since the news about the discoveries broke
It seems that no matter what wage is offered,
The position remains
Unfilled.

There are reports of small groups of men and women
Demanding to be told who they are
Huddled together near banks, court houses, and other government buildings
Fending off anyone offering to help or explain
Who is not wearing an official uniform.

In some cities, confused individuals
Spend days and weeks in front of television sets
Flipping endlessly through channel after channel
Trying in vain to find a product they can identify with
But the only thing being broadcast
is PBS.

Wait a minute, we’ve just received an update.
This just in from the United States government:


The White House has just issued a statement
Claiming that these amazing discoveries
Are false.

In fact, the President insists the sources responsible for these claims
Are actually terrorists who hate freedom and hate America
And are organizing an attack to destroy everything that we
As freedom-loving Americans hold so dear.

Government officials are urging everyone to
Pay close attention to their television
For information and instructions.

In the mean time, the government is recommending that everyone
Simply carry on, and continue to work and shop as normal,
But to be careful of “terrorists” or “evil doers”
Who are very unpatriotic, and want everyone to be poor
And not eat meat and go bare-foot all the time.

The President, in an address to the public this afternoon,
Issued a message to all freedom-loving Americans
That we must be prepared to sacrifice our liberty
In order to preserve our freedom by liberating
The un-free who freely wish to be liberated
By freedom fighters who will fight
For the freedom and the liberty
To spread freedom to those
Who have not been fully liberated
From their own freedom
So that we, as the liberators of freedom
Will have the liberty
To Freely liberate ourselves
On the world.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

Rob Cochran © 2005 First posted 18 January 2011