I found JUSTICE... almost a year later!

Apologies to South African cartoonist Jonathan Shapiro (Zapiro)

Sometime last year Nathaniel Tan and John Lee came up with a cogent collection of essays on human rights and published it as a book called Where is Justice? Death and Brutality in Custody.

I ordered a copy almost as soon as I read about it on Nat's blog. I ended up paying way too much for postage (about RM11) but was happy to have the book in my hands anyway. After I read the excellently crafted introduction, I decided to promote the book by blogging about it. Then other stuff happened (including an unplanned 2-week vacation in Sungai Buloh Hospital) and when I returned to civvy life in January 2010, my entire house had been rearranged and I couldn't find the book.

It mysteriously reappeared a few hours ago and I decided, before Justice goes AWOL again, to simply reproduce the brilliant intro here, slightly abridged...

There are some fundamental human rights which we all recognize. The right of a person to their life is paramount and sacrosanct, enshrined in Article 5 of our Federal Constitution. We instinctively understand that it is wrong to arbitrarily assault and threaten the lives of other people. But in spite of this, every year dozens, if not hundreds of people die under mysterious circumstances while in the custody and protection of the Malaysian government.

When the government deprives its people of the freedom to move about and live their lives, it assumes the responsibility of protecting them. The authorities cannot disclaim responsibility for accidental deaths. Even if we give them the immense benefit of the doubt, and assume that no police or custodial officer has ever assaulted someone in their custody, the question still remains: why do so many Malaysians die in the custody of our government?

Four pivotal cases over the last decade have shaken Malaysians and opened our eyes to how deeprooted this problem is. In [Where is Justice?] we scrutinize the real facts behind each of these four cases, followed by opinions from fellow Malaysians who demand answers.

We start with Teoh Beng Hock, a Selangor state government servant who fell to his death from a Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission building during a corruption investigation. People do not simply fall out of buildings - so why and how did Teoh die? What burning questions remain yet unanswered?

We move on to A. Kugan, an alleged carjacker who, according to the police, suddenly collapsed and died while in their custody. When his family claimed his body from the morgue, it was covered in blood and bruises, and now even the Health Ministry has confirmed that he was tortured. Months after his death, the police cleared Kugan of all charges against him, saying they could find no evidence he was complicit in any car thefts - meaning an innocent man suffered and died while in the custody of our government.

Our next case is an unforgettable one - that of Altantuya Shaariibuu, a Mongolian woman murdered by elite police officers assigned to then Deputy Prime Minister Najib Tun Razak. Her case remains shrouded in mystery - many believe someone must have ordered these commandos to kill Altantuya. Suspicion rested on Abdul Razak Baginda, a close associate of Najib's, but the courts could not find sufficient evidence to convict him. Altantuya's family continues to seek justice for Altantuya, demanding the government get to the bottom of the matter.

The last of our major cases is that of another former Deputy Prime Minister, Anwar Ibrahim. Beaten and brutalized by none other than the highest-ranking police officer in the country. Anwar's abuse in police custody shocked not only the nation, but the world. Although almost forgotten today, Anwar's case showed that even the most dedicated and highest of public servants can abuse their power and violate the sacred trust we place in them.

Buy this book online!

We close the book with the stories of countless men and women who have died while under the custody and protection of our government. Each and every one of these people was a human being - someone with parents, siblings, friends, and co-workers. Some were guilty, some were innocent. All were entitled to the protection of the law - not to be tortured and summarily abused by the authorities.

The government acts on our behalf - on the behalf of the rakyat of Malaysia. It is a grave sin and injustice for our government to leave such abuses unchecked and ignored, and it is incumbent on every Malaysian to hold our government accountable for its actions.

John Lee Ming Keong
Nathaniel Tan

On Malaysia Day, a lesson from America...

There is a great deal we in Malaysia can learn from monitoring the economic and political flux in America - and no one better qualified to inspire us in the right direction than the magnificent Swami Beyondananda aka Steve Bhaerman...

Obama or Nobama, It’s Still Up to Us
September 15, 2010

By Steve Bhaerman

With Obama AWOL, the Evolutionary Up-Wising Must Proceed Without Him

“For the past generation, the Republicans have been playing hardball … and the Democrats have been playing hardly-have-balls.” ~ Swami Beyondananda

Well, what do you know? It’s happened again. The hopium has worn off, and in the sober light of morning we see that the white knight we hoped would save us (albeit a slightly darker white knight) has left us bereft. And our wallet is missing.

Progressives are bewailing the betrayal of progressive principles, but it’s worse than that. From the very first appointments – or should we say, disappointments – the Obama Administration installed more of the usual suspects instead of the unusual ones we had hoped for. The economic elites in power simply switched uniforms from red to blue. Bottom line, Obama bailed out Wall Street and bailed on Main Street.

True, the bail out was put in place by the Bush Administration. But it was given legitimacy by Obama, and in that one move Obama lost the independent voters who saw a glimmer of hope, a possibility that the unmitigated rule by the power of money could be counterbalanced, if not overcome.

He coulda been a contender. Instead, Obama took an apparent dive – and a bought us all a one-way ticket to palookaville. As to the “why,” take your choice. There is a really excellent article in the September, 2010 Vanity Fair that attributes Obama’s plight to a “broken Washington.” It’s a pretty inside-the-matrix analysis, but it’s valuable in showing the relationship between the American Devolution and the influence of money. In 2009, the article says, lobbyists spent $3.5 billion to leverage legislation. As an indication of how things have changed in just one “degeneration,” here is a quote from the article: “In the 1974 congressional elections, total spending on Senate and House races came to only $77 million. According to the Center for Responsive Politics, by 2008 the figure was $1.36 billion, with lobbyists providing a significant amount.”


In other words, Congressional campaigns cost seventeen times as much as they did 35 years ago. No wonder the Democrats have devolved into “Republican Lite.” They have felt obliged to follow the money instead of lead the conversation. As Ralph Nader wrote recently, “… the Democrats do not have a progressive philosophy.”

Other analyses are less forgiving, and portray Barack Obama as a Manchurian candidate riding the Trojan horse of “change” into the White House. A fact sheet distributed by St. Pete for Peace offers as much evidence as anyone needs to indicate that Obama’s prime allegiance is not to we the people but to the corporate state.

So … who or what is the real Obama? Is he an Aquarian visionary hamstrung by a dysfunctional system, or an inside player whose purpose all along was to low-jack progressivism on behalf of the corporate state?


And the answer is … it doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter because nothing could, would or will change without an independent political movement of “we the people.” Even Obama hinted at that during his campaign, telling the American people, “It’s about you.”

And now, nearly two years after the election, and more than a year-and-a-half since the inauguration, there is no independent citizens movement. We have the same third and fourth parties limping along, and the truth is we don’t need a new third party in America.

We need a new first party.

To have that, we must give up hopium, and end the dope addiction (i.e., our addiction to electing dopes who don’t really represent our true interests) that has so severely weakened the body politic that we the people have become a non-factor in governance, diverted from the real issues by bipolar politics and a media side-show.

Here is my declaration, prayer and intention:

May the 2010 mid-term election be the last bullshit election held in America.

May it be the last election, where “mosque-debating” obfuscates the real issues of who’s in charge, and who’s in charge of who’s in charge.

May it be the last election where people’s hard-earned money – not to mention the hardly-earned money spent by the economic elites – is used to perpetrate lies, distortions and manipulative misinformation.

May it be the last election where the mainstream corporate media calls the shots of what gets covered.

May it be the last election where only money talks, and where “free speech” is free – unless of course, you want it to be broadcast widely, in which case it costs lots and lots of money.

And the Good News Is…?

There is good news, folks … but only if WE make it.

[Read the rest here.]





Check out Swami Beyondananda's Ompage!

The Face of Facebook

MARK ZUCKERBERG OPENS UP
by Jose Antonio Vargas
The New Yorker

Mark Zuckerberg founded Facebook in his college dorm room six years ago. Five hundred million people have joined since, and eight hundred and seventy-nine of them are his friends. The site is a directory of the world’s people, and a place for private citizens to create public identities. You sign up and start posting information about yourself: photographs, employment history, why you are peeved right now with the gummy-bear selection at Rite Aid or bullish about prospects for peace in the Middle East. Some of the information can be seen only by your friends; some is available to friends of friends; some is available to anyone. Facebook’s privacy policies are confusing to many people, and the company has changed them frequently, almost always allowing more information to be exposed in more ways.

According to his Facebook profile, Zuckerberg has three sisters (Randi, Donna, and Arielle), all of whom he’s friends with. He’s friends with his parents, Karen and Edward Zuckerberg. He graduated from Phillips Exeter Academy and attended Harvard University. He’s a fan of the comedian Andy Samberg and counts among his favorite musicians Green Day, Jay-Z, Taylor Swift, and Shakira. He is twenty-six years old.

Zuckerberg cites “Minimalism,” “Revolutions,” and “Eliminating Desire” as interests. He likes “Ender’s Game,” a coming-of-age science-fiction saga by Orson Scott Card, which tells the story of Andrew (Ender) Wiggin, a gifted child who masters computer war games and later realizes that he’s involved in a real war. He lists no other books on his profile.

[Read the entire feature here...]

Priscilla Chan has been Zuck's girlfriend since 2003

Read my 28 October 2007 post:
The Facebook Interview

9/11 Nine Years Down The Line

... A Mystery Unsolved!

Hugo Farrant, poet in temporary exile

This bearded stranger with golden dreadlocks sitting in my Bamboo Palace goes by the name Hugo Farrant. He showed up just over a week ago on his way back to Melbourne. Waiting to get his visa approved, he said.

British-born Hugo has spent the last three years or so making waves in the Australian rap scene. That's right. Hugo's a rapper.

Not just a rapper, mind you. Hugo's essentially a poet, a master wordsmith in the truest sense, a questing visionary, philosopher, mythologist and weaver of semantic tube toruses.

In short, Hugo Farrant is a high-end rapper. Unlike your run-of-the-mill street-corner gangsta-rapper, Hugo is a lexicological wunderkind with an almost unlimited vocabulary.

Listening to his recently released album, The Enlightenment Era, not once did I come across any references to humans with oedipal tendencies. Instead, I was titillated by tales of angels and atoms, dimensional shifts, 11:11 stargates, extraterrestrials, obelisks, Olympic medalists, Friedrich Nietzsche, and a chance encounter between Pavlov's Dog and Schrödinger's Cat.

Hugo expands his fan base in Malaysia

I kid you not. This guy's creative genius is beyond description. The Muses love him. If I were the Australian government I'd offer Hugo Farrant a generous arts grant - instead of putting him through the bureaucratic runaround and keeping him in suspense over something as meaningless, trivial and irrelevant as an entry visa.

Ah well, Australia's loss is Magick River's gain. I shall insist on collecting some DNA samples before we let golden boy Hugo leave. Check out these nifty videos from The Juice Media (Pssst... Hugo plays all the characters!)...

RAP NEWS from The Juice Media produced by Hugo Farrant & Giordano Nanni





Intrigued? Get to know Hugo up close here!

Saloma sings Selamat Hari Raya

Those seem much jollier times in retrospect when P. Ramlee and Saloma were the toast of the town. Let this Hari Raya greeting to all who celebrate this occasion be a sweet reminder of how simple life can be - and what a cheerful, friendly, abundant land this will be when love proves stronger than fear or hate.

Safe traveling, please!

LIVING LIFE TO THE MAX!

HEY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOUNG HOTSHOT!

Max Alexander Lüer, my #1 grandchild, turns 10 today! A few days ago my daughter Belle proudly showed me some digital doodles her son had created on her iPhone with some funky app he had just downloaded...

This was the first doodle I saw and I was absolutely impressed by the confident strokes Max had used to generate this simple but striking abstract piece. The color scheme is spot on - looks like a virus!

Hmm, that stylized cloaca looks a bit rude...

Such vibrant colors and freeflowing lines!

Minimalist variation on a Maximalist theme? :-)

The Devil in him begins to emerge... ;-)

Animal, vegetable, human or extraterrestrial?

Reminds me of the brilliant art produced by my friend
Marianne Naerebout!

Max is one of the most widely traveled kids I know, since his parents happen to be ardent jetsetters. On a recent trip to South Africa (to watch the World Cup), Max was treated to a joyride on a catamaran.

First one in! Max has been participating in triathlons with great enthusiasm... and he's done really well!

Portrait of a natural-born runner...

A stylish bike racer too...

Dressed up as Harry Potter for a Halloween party?

Prince Max appreciating the German landscape...

Watching the World Cup in Jo'burg with mama Belle and papa Marcus

Like father, like son: two jocks on a sightseeing tour of Cape Town

Three generations of Lüers: Max with his other Grandpa Manfred
and proud daddy Marcus

My grandson, the budding heartthrob :-)

Guess what Max gave me for my rebirthday in January? I'd been hassling him to lend me his face so I can go to parties and get lucky all over again... so Max very kindly obliged, such a generous soul ;-)

This was powerful medicine indeed - and quite possibly saved my life when I was struck down by an assassin anopheles and landed up in the ICU at Sungai Buloh Hospital. I'm keeping the original in my archive.

Thank you so much, darling Max, for making it such a total joy to be called "Grand Pupa" by you (it's better than being called "Grand Poo-Poo" that's for sure! :-)

IN LOVING MEMORY...

Molly Fu
(28 August 1950 - 12 June 2006)

Max shares a birthday with his magnificent grand-aunt Molly
who babysat him a lot -
and who also took care of Belle and her sister Moon
when they were babies.
"An Angel returned to Heaven..."
is how Belle describes this beautiful, gentle soul.

Nurul Izzah takes on the rabid racists

A new script for Malaysia
Free Malaysia Today | Tue, 24 Aug 2010 06:00

By Nurul Izzah Anwar

A Malay daily recently declared that a civil war would break out in the country. And this war would dwarf the May 13 1969 racial riot – the worst in Malaysia’s history. The war, said the newspaper, is a response to a non-existing amended constitution that abolishes the special position of the Malays and Islam.

Deputy Prime Minister Muhyiddin Yassin also made reference to the 1969 riot in his comment when he reminded his Barisan Nasional (BN) colleague, Dr Chua Soi Lek, to tone down his demands to scrap what the government likes to call the pro-Malay economic policy.

In Penang, we heard stories that the name of the Yang di-Pertuan Agong has been replaced with Penang Chief Minister Lim Guan Eng in Friday sermons in some mosques in the state.

Apart from some Umno leaders who are fond of making racist comments, we also now have Perkasa which claimed to champion the constitutional position of the Malays.

These stories have been reported at length and front-paged by many newspapers, inviting discussions from both sides of the political divide.

These stories are not new. Many of us have heard similar stories not too long ago.

Remember in 1987 when Umno organised a racially charged political rally? It was followed by detention of many opposition leaders, including Karpal Singh and Guan Eng, under Operasi Lalang.

I wonder what the people behind the recent racial provocations hope to achieve.

Political theatre

I was too young to remember Operasi Lalang, but from my understanding of the event, it sounds so similar to the political theatre we are watching right now.

Every now and then, Malaysians are forced to watch the show based on an outdated script, written perhaps by those in power who benefit from racial polarisation.

Except for the change in the cast, the script always revolves around racial hatred, and how one community is a threat to another community’s interest.

Thank God, this latest show has not resulted in a new racial riot, or the “great war” that the Malay daily was trying to instigate.

Obviously, this tactic has not worked with Malaysians. Young Malaysians now demand a new script for the nation to be written by them.

In saying that the latest attempt at disuniting the country has failed, I am not entirely dismissing the fact that the racial rhetoric might have attracted some groups of young Malaysians.

Reading reports on Perkasa activities, I noticed the presence of a small number of young Malays. These are the people that I wish to reach out and to join other young Malaysians to write a new script for the nation.

Real issues

Perkasa has been accused of only trying to defend rent-seeking activities, but I doubt these youths are awarded any government contract. My suspicion is they have been indoctrinated with years of racist propaganda.

They are not alone. I have heard of civil servants and even teachers who made racist remarks while on the job.

For them, this country is all about “us” versus “them”, “oppression by certain group” or “risk of losing political power.”

But I have not given up on them.

I want to tell them that it is not hard to look beyond the colour of our skin, to understand that diversity has always been the foundation of this country.

I would like for all of us to focus on the real issues that will destroy this country: such as corruption, low foreign investment, lack of job opportunities and many other problems shared by all Malaysians.

It would not be easy to make them understand, but the success of the new script for Malaysia’s future depends on not just one group but also others who have been misled and marginalised. That is why all Malaysians must speak out and decide once and for all what the new script would be. A script built on the promise and vision of an independent Malaysia for all citizens: based on the rule of law, justice and equality.

Those who deny the will of the people for a better Malaysia should take note. Malaysians recognise theatre as it is, and the days of political theatre are over.

Nurul Izzah Anwar is PKR's MP for Lembah Pantai.

UMNO and MACC in suicide pact?

UMNO and MACC strangling each other

By Pak Bui | 21 Aug 2010 | Hornbill Unleashed

Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC) head prosecutor Abdul Razak Musa made a humiliating spectacle of himself in front of the coroner’s court during the hearing into the death of Teoh Beng Hock.

His self-abasement is a terrible setback for UMNO’s efforts to regain votes in the next general election. The MACC has plumbed the depths of public mistrust, and in so doing has reflected badly on its masters in UMNO.

Public anger towards the MACC will also be directed against UMNO, since Malaysians of all races understand that the MACC behaves as a political weapon, wielded by UMNO and its allies against their opponents.

The MACC’s move to attack celebrated Thai pathologist Dr Pornthip Rojanasunand appears to have backfired. Abdul Razak Musa was ill-prepared, and cracked under the intense pressure on him to cast doubt on the Thai doctor’s findings that Teoh’s death was no suicide.

Abdul Razak inexplicably mixed up ‘dead’ and ‘unconscious’. He blurted out irrational statements and questions, drawing laughs and jeers from the public gallery, and even from the coroner himself.

He asserted that a man could “strangle himself” (as Pakatan Rakyat leader Anwar Ibrahim was said to have given himself a black eye during his persecution a decade ago). He also insisted a man would weigh more when unconscious than conscious.

In short, he brought shame to the Malaysian legal profession, and to our nation as a whole. He also embarrassed his masters in UMNO. UMNO and MACC are now caught in a fatal embrace that is suffocating both institutions. UMNO has lost votes, while the MACC has lost credibility in the midst of this mutual strangulation.

Only a change in government can improve the MACC and, for that matter, UMNO itself. Any rehabilitation efforts will mean wholesale reforms and changes of leadership: it will take years to repair the damage inflicted by UMNO warlords’ domination.

Lawyers’ duty to search for truth

Abdul Razak refused to speak to the press after the hearing, realising perhaps that his catastrophic performance had done more harm than good for UMNO apologists, in the shambolic coroner’s investigation.

The MACC’s Abdul Razak and Attorney-General Abdul Gani Patail have made a mockery of the process of justice. The Attorney-General tried to submit a so-called ‘suicide note’ to the coroner, nine months after the inquiry began. Teoh’s family members have told the press the note is a forgery. The prospect of a Royal Commission into his death appears ever more distant.

Abdul Gani has also supervised the removal of a Deputy Public Prosecutor (DPP) from Anwar Ibrahim’s sodomy trial, following reports of a sexual affair between the female DPP and the prosecution’s star witness, Saiful Bukhari. There has been irreparable harm done to the credibility of the trial, with this potential breach in confidentiality of the prosecution’s information and lack of impartiality.

The MACC, the Attorney-General’s Office, and their masters in UMNO, have made Malaysia, our judiciary and legal profession a laughing stock worldwide. Our worldwide reputation now matches that of the Singaporean legal profession, infamous for its meek subservience to the executive.

Will these senior government lawyers’ cynical manipulations now be seen a role model for young Malaysian lawyers? These wealthy MACC and government lawyers behave like highly paid vassals of the ruling class within UMNO. Their contempt for the justice system is another example of how UMNO’s misrule is strangling Malaysia and her institutions.

[Read the rest of this excellent essay here.]

Recommended Reading: Martin Jalleh's hilarious take on MACC's suicide.

AND THE TOOTH SHALL SET YOU FREE (1)

Dentistry runs deep in the family, particularly on my father’s side. My paternal grandfather Lee Kiang Choon must have arrived in Singapore from Guangdong, China, around 1905. A bit of guesswork here, as no one in the Lee family has bothered recording these details. I recall hearing that as a teenager he served as an assistant to a Japanese dentist in Johore Bahru, who later made him an apprentice, taught him everything he knew, and even left him all his tools. In those days nobody enrolled in dentistry school, they only had to register with a dentists’ guild to practice their craft.

My paternal grandpa was the Sultan of Johore's personal dentist

Lee Kiang Choon was reputed to be a very fine dentist with a light touch. He was recommended to the Sultan of Johore who was so impressed with his work he handed him a fat contract to visit every school in Johore state and fix the students’ teeth. Kiang Choon prospered and married a shopkeeper’s daughter, a pretty Teochew girl with a weakness for gold ornaments.

By the time the Japanese invaded in December 1941, the couple already had six grown children - my father Lee Hong Wah being the third, born May 1st, 1916. My father was offered the option of studying dentistry but chose a less academic path and became a government health inspector. His younger brother Hong Wai decided to carry on the tradition and studied dentistry in Australia.

I recall that both my brothers, Lanny and Mike, had considered dentistry as a career – but neither had the required academic merits to be accepted. However, Lanny’s daughter Candy did become a dentist in the U.S. – and not only that, she married a dentist named Leo in 2004. And her email nick is still “sweetdntst” 😁

My niece Candy with hubby Leo and "kids" on vacation

Years later I heard my sister Mae had been dating a member of the Tan clan but it didn’t work out; her beau went on to become a superb dentist, got posted in Batu Pahat with the government clinic, and made me my first dental plate when I was 15. Years later I found the same dentist practising in Kuala Lumpur and sought him out again. He still swings by my house every so often with goodies for the family. (Seow Than, thanks for being such a durable, generous friend and faithful follower of my blog!)

My daughter Moonlake didn’t become a dentist but she fell in love with one and married Dr Ansgar Cheng in 1992. In July 2010 they were in Hong Kong attending a reunion dinner organized by Ansgar’s university classmates to celebrate their 20th year as professional dentists.

I believe I have had to bear the karmic burden of so much dentistry in my family. Caries and odontalgia began plaguing me soon after I lost my milk teeth. When I was a kid, the prospect of sitting in a dentist’s chair and getting your teeth drilled represented the worst kind of torture. Drills in those days were intimidating belt-driven contraptions that made a horrendous bone-juddering noise and caused excruciating pain each time the drill hit a nerve.

At some point I began experimenting with mind over matter whenever I was stricken with a toothache. The procedure involved visualizing the interior of the affected tooth as the side of a mountain through which bacteria disguised as humanoid workmen were tunneling - blasting, chiseling and pounding away incessantly. I would approach the gang of workers with a stop-work order, telling them to down tools and take the day off. Almost immediately the pain would cease.

I got so good at this I didn’t have to see a dentist for years. My teeth would quietly, painlessly rot away and snap off without bothering me at all. Very rarely did I need to even pop an aspirin to relieve the pain.

Alas, one has only 32 teeth to lose. By the time I hit 40 I had lost more than half of them, luckily mostly in the back portion, so nobody could see how few teeth remained unless they peered right into my open mouth with a flashlight.

When a couple of front teeth snapped off in 1993, I went to see Dr Nathan, the only private dentist in Kuala Kubu Bharu. He recognized me instantly as his old schoolchum from Batu Pahat. The benefit of this old boys’ connection was that Nathan almost never accepted any payment from me. In fact, after making me a beautiful dental plate with four functional incisors and a canine, I had to insist that he at least allow me to pay for the materials. Reluctantly, he accepted RM50 from me. Such an angel – and a superb craftsman too, even if his equipment isn’t exactly state-of-the-art (I bet he doesn’t own a couple of digital x-ray units that actually speak to you while they scan a 3D image of your jaw).

Miraculously, eating was not at all a problem with a well-fitting dental plate. However, the plate was attached by chromium-plated steel wire to standing teeth – and after a few years the enamel would chip off these supports, loosening the grip. When this happens, embarrassing moments can occur.

For instance, one day in class when I was guest lecturing at a private mass communications college, I got passionate speaking about a pet topic and suddenly felt my dental plate shoot out of my mouth and onto the floor. Without missing a beat, I dropped the chalk in my hand and bent down to pick up both objects, turning my back to the class as I coolly stuffed the dental plate back in and immediately proceeded to draw a mystical symbol on the board. I’m pretty sure no one was aware what had happened. Phew!

Dr Nathan easily solved the problem by adjusting the steel wire with a pair of pliers. It took him a total of 10 minutes.


In March 2010 the inevitable happened. One of my last surviving canines snapped during the night and my dental plate was left hanging on by sheer force of habit. Again, Dr Nathan came to my rescue by giving me a tube of Polident (the denture adhesive preferred by Olympic gold medal winners). Nevertheless, I knew this was only a stopgap measure. Sooner or later I would have to face up to the blood-chilling truth - I no longer had any meaningful teeth.

Part 2

AND THE TOOTH SHALL SET YOU FREE (2)

I once read that L. Ron Hubbard, founder of the Church of Scientology, was convinced he could he persuade new teeth to grow simply by deleting old beliefs that something like this was physiologically impossible. Unfortunately, Hubbard fell foul of the power establishment and was hounded by the FBI, IRS and Office of Naval Research till he either died or had to go off-planet. So we shall never know if he was anywhere close to achieving new dental growth.

If we had access to such remarkable mental powers, no human being on Earth would ever again have to suffer toothlessness, limblessness, or even lifelessness. No woman need ever complain about being flat-chested and no man need resort to false modesty to conceal a penis less than seven inches long. Most of us would closely resemble our favorite deities, rockstars or movie icons.

And my amazing son-in-law, Dr Ansgar Cheng (and his competent and personable partners at the Specialist Dental Group in Singapore) would be out of a job.

I wish to record herein my profound gratitude that the long history of dentistry in the family has ultimately spared me the ignominy of being labeled “toothless” by mean-minded rivals in love. Policemen will now think twice before attempting to arrest me – lest I turn out to be a member of Tian Chua’s secret school of dental shaolin. What I am especially grateful for is that at no time during my visits to his sparkling clinic at the Mount Elizabeth Medical Center did Dr Ansgar Cheng ever involuntarily go “tsk tsk” (no matter how inaudibly) at the sight of my oral cavity.

Indeed, I found his “bedside manner” absolutely impeccable. He treated me with utmost courtesy and took pains to explain every aspect of the implant procedure, with only a friendly warning that nicotine causes constriction of the blood capillaries in the gums, which interferes with healing after an implant. He gently suggested that if I had to continue smoking, let it be the barest minimum over the maximum span of time. The upshot is, not only have I gained a full set of chompers, I am also in the process of acquiring far greater self-control when it comes to smoking.

Some are addicted to wine, some to song, and some to women. Well, I can live quite happily without a single drop of wine. I enjoy playing and listening to music, but haven’t become a compulsive iPodder; and I have learned the hard way how to let go and keep loving when women leave me. But tobacco has been an intimate friend since I was 15. The idea of being a non-smoker actually offends me. It would be akin to surgically removing the pipe from all images of Sherlock Holmes – or rewriting Lord of the Rings so that Gandalf no longer blows colorful smoke rings – or excising all mention of cigarettes from Mickey Spillane’s detective thrillers. Can you imagine Popeye being advised by his doctor to give up eating spinach out of a can?

Frank Zappa was once asked on a TV talk show why he smoked cigarettes and drank black coffee even though he claimed to be vehemently against substance abuse. Zappa momentarily frowned, then sucked on his cigarette and said with a grin: “Caffeine and nicotine constitute my staple diet. This is my food.”

True, Zappa died pretty young at 58 – of prostate cancer which, some believe, commonly afflicts men who don’t ejaculate often enough.

Ansgar made plaster casts of his newborn daughters' baby feet

Under ordinary circumstances I couldn’t possibly afford instant implants – at least not the high-end type offered by the Specialist Dental Group with titanium screws and base. Before affixing them, Dr Cheng showed me his masterpiece. He had been laboring over my implants in the lab for days, polishing every bit to perfection.

To keep his fingers nimble, Ansgar assembles model cars and makes jewelry in his spare time. I’m no expert but what I saw truly impressed me as the finest example of dedicated craftsmanship: my lower teeth were beautiful enough to wear as a pendant, and worth as much as, if not more than, a string of genuine Mikimoto pearls. In any case, they’re infinitely more useful to me than any ornament you can name. It simply means I will be able to enjoy eating normally as long as I live. Not only that, the new gnashers have taken a good 20 years off my smile. I can now pass off as a weather-worn 40-year-old rather than be mistaken for a well-preserved septuagenarian.

My daughter Moonlake remarked the day I arrived at Ansgar’s clinic for a preliminary scan and analysis of the situation: “You know Ansgar and I have been married 18 years. What took you so long to come and see him?” The glib answer on the tip of my tongue was: “Well, I wisely waited till he got really good at this!” But, in truth, I knew roughly how much this sort of sophisticated dentistry can cost and felt reluctant to impose on Ansgar’s goodwill just because he was married to my daughter. Out of curiosity, I enquired how much it would normally cost to get all this work done and barely managed to not bat an eyelid when a ball park figure was mentioned. But, then again, most folks would roll about on the floor laughing their asses off if they knew how low my overheads actually are... for me almost any figure would have been too much!

Moon & Ansgar with Allie (7) and Hana (5) in July 2010

My son-in-law has put in long years of study to acquire the impressive collection of degrees and diplomas adorning his office. After qualifying as a dentist in Hong Kong, he continued specializing in the U.S. (Northwestern University and UCLA) obtaining professional degrees as a maxillofacial prosthodontist. When China repossessed Hong Kong in 1996, Ansgar’s parents moved to Toronto, Canada, where they bought a house. Ansgar and Moon decided to join them in Toronto and Ansgar sat for another examination to qualify to practice in Canada.

A few years later he was appointed Head of Maxillofacial Prosthetics at the University Health Network, Princess Margaret Hospital (the largest cancer hospital in Canada). He was also a consultant to the Department of Otolaryngology (ENT) at the Toronto General Hospital and an Assistant Professor of Prosthodontics with the University of Toronto. Dr Ansgar Cheng also happens to be an Examiner in Prosthodontics with the Royal College of Dentists of Canada. In short, the man is more than qualified to make a set of bionic teeth for his father-in-law.

If you happen to be extremely eccentric (and enormously rich) and fancy replacing your entire skull and jaw with a customized assembly carved from a giant quartz crystal, the Specialist Dental Group can probably handle your request with unruffled aplomb.

Ansgar was a tad disappointed I was unable to stay for a week-long stretch in Singapore – that was how swiftly he could have accomplished the Instant Implant. Instead, I opted to get the work completed in three painless sessions spread over three visits. At no time did I have to walk around displaying bare gums – and that was truly a great mercy.

Some of the technical feats Dr Ansgar Cheng and his specialist colleagues have achieved since they began their partnership have been documented in professional journals and health magazines. Many have been published on a very readable blog managed by Moonlake who was in charge of corporate communications for the company - till being a full-time mum to two fast-growing girls put a stop to that.

Now that I have joined the ranks of potential toothpaste models with my Hollywood smile, I just have to studiously avoid plane crashes and assassin’s bullets – or all of Dr Ansgar Cheng’s noble efforts and incredible craftsmanship will be wasted.