A PRAYER FOR THE LAND I LOVE (reprise)

Dear God or Whatever You Prefer To Be Called These Days:

I'm not in the habit of publicizing my private thoughts,

But times are such that habits must be broken.

And so I will utter my innermost feelings

In the form of words,

Even though I know

That words are what imprison us

In mindsets of No Escape.

For I remain steadfast in my belief

That words spoken from the heart

Have the power to free us from

The evil clutches of political expediency.

It saddens me to see such beautiful, graceful beings

Caught in the deceit of cosmetic piety,

Enslaved by the ugly dictum - "Money Talks!"

Enfeebled by the lame excuse - "What to do?"

Disempowered by the abject fear of False Authority,

And disenfranchised from their own glorious destinies.

Grant unto us the clarity and wisdom

To understand that we have no grander gift

To bestow on our children than the freedom

To speak their heart's truth

Without fear of punishment.

Grant unto us the courage and the fortitude

To truly embody the lofty ideals we hold so dear;

Let us not falter in our inner struggle

To throw off the mental shackles of Greed and Fear,

For those are the twin towers of Tyranny.

Grant unto us a Vision of the Real.

Let us not be misled by cunning projections

From the debased minds of "economic experts"

Who advise us not to "rock the boat" of Status Quo;

And whose dire warnings are couched in grave tones of

"Security and Stability."

Remember: INTEGRITY

Is the key to the Divine Sanctum of the Self!

And since each Nation is but a collectivity of Selves,

My greatest duty to the land I love

Is to always seek to be true to myself;

And my true self tells me:

Bear not the yoke of feudal despots

A moment longer than you need.

There's room and board enough for everyone,

Once you cast the Vampires of Vitality

From their vacuous palaces erected by the sweaty toil

Of half-wit slaves, who know not half their worth.

This beautiful, gracious land is YOURS -

Not THEIRS! (Well, it COULD be theirs too,

If they'd only see themselves as YOU).

The Reality of Heaven on Earth will soon be here,

And to that we are ALL heirs.

Antares

24 October 1998

[First published 26 August 2008. Cartoons courtesy of LAT. Reposted 3 July 2011, 29 October 2015 & 27 August 2020]

5 Candidates for 7th Malaysian PM (updated but the list remains unchanged)

Here are my five personal choices 

for the next prime minister of Malaysia...

1. LATOK LAT @ Mohd Nor Khalid: With so many cartoon characters in the Cabinet, we really ought to have a master cartoonist as PM. Especially one listed among the World's Top 100 Cartoonists! I've known Lat for 45 years. He used to ride a noisy old Triumph motorcycle to work (he was on the crime desk at the NST in those days and the editors had no idea the kid could draw until they saw a feature on him in Asia Magazine). He was the only one who seemed impressed by the 450cc metallic purple 1948 BSA I owned (it had no rear shock absorbers so you can imagine how rattled I'd appear at the end of each ride).

We used to chill at a mutual friend's house in PJ, getting stoned and belting out a medley of Bob Dylan songs. A few years later some friends formed a bluegrass band called K.D. Possum & The Flying Fox and Lat joined us on lead guitar and bass (he was billed as "Nashville Slim" and he was damn good too, even crooned a couple of Johnny Cash songs occasionally).

So with Lat as PM I'd have little to worry about. I doubt he'd ever ISA or SOSMA me. The worst that could happen if I refuse to giggle at his jokes might be he'd revert to calling me by my discarded User ID. Lat has a knack of injecting so much empathy and warmth into his caricatures. Nobody is evil in Lat's world (he could even make Dr M come across as lovable). After all the badmouthing and mudslinging that's been raging in local politics, Lat as PM would bring about genuine muhibbah and transform us all into true Malaysians.



2. SUFIAH YUSOF: Now this sexy young lady might be just what we need to instill a bit of discipline into our law enforcement thugs and bottom-pinching, child-molesting ministers. I know Sufiah charges £130 an hour for her services - which works out to £31,200 a month (or RM204,672). But she'd be worth every penny if she could whip the entire Cabinet into shape and turn civil servants into fine, upstanding members of society.

A former child prodigy in mathematics, Sufiah would be outstanding as finance minister too. In fact, with her undisputed multi-tasking skills, she could take over all the ministerial portfolios, thereby freeing the other MPs from tedious routine and allowing them the opportunity to take up healthy, useful hobbies like cycling, earthworm-breeding and yoga. The National Fatwa Council would be abolished and replaced with the National Fat-Reducing Council, with a special mandate to monitor the weight of all top rank bureaucrats. All those prone to obesity would be nominated as contestants in state-sponsored marathon fuckfests - or summoned to the PM's office after hours to perform national service.

Another distinct advantage of having Sufiah Yusof as PM would be getting Hannah Tan (left) as deputy PM. I've only ever bumped into Hannah once at the Actors Studio foyer in Bangsar and she came across as an extremely friendly and enchanting person with heaps of undiscovered potential.

As deputy PM her official duties would include doing what she's already does so well - which is to reassure Malaysians that there's no place like home. As DPM Hannah would also serve as our roving ambassador-at-large, luring more foreign investors to embark on joint ventures and breed more irresistible Pan-Asian beauties.



3. NURUL IZZAH ANWAR: Izzah is only 34 (she turns 35 on 19 November) and has been an MP for just seven years, but judging by her effortless poise and magnetic personality (she has half-a-million likes on Facebook!) - not to mention her sparkling intelligence, maturity and dedication - she's already light years ahead of veteran politicos like Tengku Razaleigh - and every inch a natural-born Princess too. Put Nurul Izzah in a line-up with Rosmah Mansor, Rafidah Aziz, Shahrizat Abdul Jalil, Azalina Othman - and for good measure throw in the alluring Umno Princess Noraini Ahmad, the winsome Hannah Yeoh, and the indomitable Teresa Kok - and see just who the rakyat will nominate as prime ministerial candidate. Yup, Izzah is Daddy's Girl right down to her determination, her drive, her charismatic beauty and above all, her winning streak.


4. WAN AZIZAH ISMAIL: No other woman in Malaysia has done as much to demonstrate the quiet, gentle power of the Feminine Principle as former Opposition Leader Wan Azizah, fondly known as Kak Wan. She studied medicine at the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland and was awarded gold medals in obstretics and gynecology, but opted to graduate as an ophthamologist instead. When her husband was sacked as deputy PM and finance minister in September 1998, Wan Azizah rose to the occasion and led the Reformasi  movement as president of Parti KeADILan Nasional (the National Justice Party, which later merged with Parti Rakyat Malaysia to form Parti Keadilan Rakyat or the People's Justice Party).

All through the difficult years when her husband was incarcerated and in grievous pain from an untreated spinal injury, Wan Azizah carried herself with courage, dignity and stoicism - and yet she had a warm smile and a kind word for everyone she met at ceramahs. The people of Malaysia not only hold Wan Azizah in the highest esteem, but wholeheartedly adore, respect, and trust her. Not given to raising her voice or using harsh words, this living embodiment of nobility and virtue is the complete antithesis of - and the perfect antidote to - the degeneracy, corruption and hypocrisy within Umno that crept in during the Mahathir administration (and which continues to block the way for truly inspiring leaders to take over). With Wan Azizah as PM this nation will experience a massive healing and be restored to its destined greatness. There's only one contentious issue with Wan Azizah's candidacy for prime ministership: she says she's sick and tired of politics and vows to retire as soon as humanly possible. Which leaves...


5. DATO' SERI ANWAR IBRAHIM: Is he the world's most successful failure? How come he's still the Opposition Leader and not PM? And why did he insist in September 2008 that he had "the numbers" for a bloodless takeover of the federal government? Will Saiful Bukhari's sodomy accusation be exposed as a vile conspiracy and the whole ridiculous case thrown out - or will Anwar find himself sucked into a rerun of the same nightmare, like a Prometheus chained to a rock and subject to having his reputation devoured by a vulture named Mahathir for all eternity?

Anwar Ibrahim is undeniably a man of extraordinary destiny, whose life reads like classic mythology, and whose trials and tribulations have been epic, perhaps even messianic. Feared, mistrusted, slandered, betrayed, unjustly accused, cruelly arrested, brutalized, constantly criticized, politically crucified and thrown in the dungeon for six long years - Anwar Ibrahim's resurrection and heroic return from the political wilderness is the very stuff of legends. Despite the jaw-dropping miracle he has wrought by pulling and holding together the diverse factions within the Pakatan Rakyat opposition coalition - facilitating the political tsunami of 8 March 2008 that swept away Umno/BN's hitherto unvanquished and behemoth monopoly on power - some Malaysians remain skeptical and continue to mock Anwar's publicly stated ambition to become PM.

I am certainly not one of them. Since 2 September 1998 - the day Anwar ceased to be DPM, finance minister and Umno bigwig - I have been observing the man closely and he has conducted himself impeccably as a spiritual warrior and visionary leader. From grudging admiration and growing respect, I have come to love the man as dearly as I love myself and my country. Yes, I believe and trust in Anwar Ibrahim and I have absolutely no qualms that he will prove the best prime minister for Malaysia at this juncture of our political evolution. And that's precisely why Najib Razak has conspired to consign Anwar back to jail by making a complete mockery of Malaysia's judicial system.

Now how do we get Anwar Ibrahim released from prison and restored to complete health and vitality? He may well be Malaysia's only hope!

[Originally posted 6 November 2008 & reposted 16 February 2014, 25 September 2014 & 23 October 2015]

Soft drinks, hardheadedness, missionary aliens & funky ad campaigns that never saw the light of day...

1985 AD CAMPAIGN PROPOSAL FOR FRASER & NEAVE (MALAYA)

Concept & Copywriting - M. Eeel (Antares)
Artwork by Mohd Nor Khalid (Dato' Lat)

Story Outline

On a planet called Glug (where thirst is unknown) there are two intelligent species, viz., the Fun-loving Effs and the very Nice Enns.

The Effs and the Enns are highly evolved beings, sparkling of spirit and always joyful. Since there are no serious problems on Glug, young Gluglings are usually sent on special missions to more primitive worlds where through service and direct experience of hardship they acquire maturity.

Earth happens to be an important training ground for Glugling youths. This is one planet where Boredom, Thirst and General Nastiness abound: ideal conditions for the eager young Gluglings to learn through service to those less fortunate.

The main characteristic of the Effs is that they are Fun-loving. The Enns, on the other hand, make a life practice of being Nice. Working in close cooperation, the Effs and the Enns are dedicated to spreading Fun and Niceness throughout the Cosmos.

Our story is essentially set in the tropical zone of Planet Earth specifically a spot designated Station 17 – better known to Earthside cartographers as the Malay Archipelago. At the start of the Aquarian Cycle in Earth’s Solar System, the year 1883 by Gregorian reckoning, Project Waterbearer was launched. Taking human form in the persons of John Fraser and David Neave, two friendly Gluglings began a soda water bottling operation in the bustling port of Singapore.

The rest is F&N history.

Sub-Elements

Conditions on Earth at the inauguration of Project Waterbearer are hideous, to say the least. The sluggish atmosphere makes it easy to become hot-tempered and nasty which results in constant quarreling among a large proportion of Earthlings. The natives are hostile and suspicious and will not accept any kind of Fun and Niceness – unless appealingly packaged and appropriately price-tagged.

Working through the agency of Fraser & Neave, the Effs and Enns discover that trying to dispense Fun & Niceness on Earth brings with it many pitfalls and paradoxes. They learn that helping Earthlings have Fun is very hard work; and that promoting Niceness entails a certain amount of aggression. (These philosophical sub-elements can be drawn upon whenever the plot thins out and needs heavier ballast.)

The F&N strategy revolves around the idea that most Earthlings have developed hard heads as a result of constant knocking against artificial barriers (also known as Walls). Perhaps if they acquired a fondness for SOFT DRINKS, they would feel more relaxed and kindly towards each other.

Another factor is the initial resistance put up by avid believers in Hard Drinks. An interesting tale can be told about how F&N eventually solve the problem and bring about a planetary reconciliation. (The introduction of F&N cordials and mixers – and the acquisition of a brewery.)

Exobiological Notes

Effs and Enns are fluid existences and airy spirits. As such they do not have a fixed form or shape. When they travel they usually occupy canister or bottle type craft. In short, Glugling vessels can look like anything from a barrel to an ice-cream cone.

On Glug, the Effs and the Enns live in beautiful colonies of bubbles, floating freely over the friendly seas of this remarkable jug-shaped planet.


EPISODE ONE

[Illustration: Paradise on Glug]

On the planet Glug there are no serious problems. The Gluglings found out a long time ago that life is Fun – and that the best way to live is to be Nice to everyone. But you can only learn these things through hard experience. That’s why so many young Effs and Enns receive their further education on EARTH…

[Illustration: Glugling briefing session showing Earthlings confounded by walls]

Planet Earth: a popular training ground for young Gluglings. A planet where boredom, thirst and general nastiness abound. Why are so many Earthlings bored? Because from the time they’re very small their enthusiasm is blocked by artificial barriers called “walls.” (Besides, they get very few good shows on TV.)

[Illustration: scene of typical Earthside mayhem]

Why do Earthlings get thirsty? Because their frustration makes them quarrel a lot and they become hot and bothered. Why are they so often nasty? Because they’re thirsty and bored – and always running into walls makes them extremely hardheaded (even when they’re not wearing helmets!)

And so, Project Waterbearer was launched by an enterprising bunch of young Effs and Enns…

EPISODE TWO

[Illustration: zodiacal image of Waterbearer with replica of Planet Glug]

The objectives of Project Waterbearer were: (i) to restore enthusiasm and a sense of Fun among the Earthlings; (ii) to moisten their throats, parched from useless bickering, and (iii) to make them feel Nice all over.

[Illustration: Effs and Enns put on their thinking caps]

What was needed was: (i) something BUBBLY; (ii) something WET, and (iii) something very PLEASANT…. Hmmmm.

[Illustration: The Soft Drink unveiled]

And so… Glug created the Soft Drink as the answer to Hardheadedness. (The Gluglings also invented the Bubble Bath… but that’s another story.)


EPILOG

We never heard back from Fraser & Neave, unfortunately! :(

5 Candidates for 6th Malaysian PM

Remember that "very intelligent" (or so he claims) 24-year-old subtitler named Kavilan who got everyone in stitches with his hysterically madcap Bee En Downfall Parody based on the Third Reich's final moments? Well, Kav just tagged me to name five of my favorite candidates for 6th Malaysian prime minister (and he doesn't care whether I'm serious or satirical).

And, as tag games go, Kav would like me to tag 5 other bloggers. Sheeesh, don't we already spend too much time online? But since Kav is such an ebullient young chap, bubbling over with zany wit and acute insights into local politics - and he seems set to make even bigger waves as an all-round agent provocateur - I figured it won't hurt to oblige. Besides, this could turn out quite fun. So here are my five choices for the next prime minister of Malaysia...




1. LATOK LAT @ Mohd Nor Khalid: With so many cartoon characters in the Cabinet, we really ought to have a master cartoonist as PM. Especially one listed among the World's Top 100 Cartoonists! I've known Lat for 38 years. He used to ride a noisy old Triumph motorcycle to work (he was on the crime desk at the NST in those days and the editors had no idea the kid could draw until they saw a feature on him in Asia Magazine). He was the only one who seemed impressed by the 450cc metallic purple 1948 BSA I owned (it had no rear shock absorbers so you can imagine how rattled I'd appear at the end of each ride).

We used to chill at a mutual friend's house in PJ, getting stoned and belting out a medley of Bob Dylan songs. A few years later some friends formed a bluegrass band called K.D. Possum & The Flying Fox and Lat joined us on lead guitar and bass (he was billed as "Nashville Slim" and he was damn good too, even crooned a couple of Johnny Cash songs occasionally). So with Lat as PM I'd have little to worry about. I doubt he'd ever ISA me. The worst that could happen if I refuse to giggle at his jokes might be he'd revert to calling me by my discarded User ID. Lat has a knack of injecting so much empathy and warmth into his caricatures. Nobody is evil in Lat's world (he could even make Dr M come across as lovable). After all the badmouthing and mudslinging that's been raging in local politics, Lat as PM would bring about genuine muhibbah and transform us all into true Malaysians.



2. SUFIAH YUSOF: Now this sexy young lady might be just what we need to instill a bit of discipline into our law enforcement thugs and bottom-pinching, child-molesting ministers. I know Sufiah charges £130 an hour for her services - which works out to £39,000 a month (or RM234,000). But she'd be worth every penny if she could whip the entire Cabinet into shape and turn civil servants into fine, upstanding members of society.

A former child prodigy in mathematics, Sufiah would be outstanding as finance minister too. In fact, with her undisputed multi-tasking skills, she could take over all the ministerial portfolios, thereby freeing the other MPs from tedious routine and allowing them the opportunity to take up healthy, useful hobbies like cycling, earthworm-breeding and yoga. The National Fatwa Council would be abolished and replaced with the National Fat-Reducing Council, with a special mandate to monitor the weight of all top rank bureaucrats. All those prone to obesity would be nominated as contestants in state-sponsored marathon fuckfests - or summoned to the PM's office after hours to perform national service.

Another distinct advantage of having Sufiah Yusof as PM would be getting Hannah Tan (left) as deputy PM. I've only ever bumped into Hannah once at the Actors Studio foyer in Bangsar and she came across as an extremely friendly and enchanting person with heaps of undiscovered potential.

As deputy PM her official duties would include doing what she's already does so well - which is to reassure Malaysians that there's no place like home. As DPM Hannah would also serve as our roving ambassador-at-large, luring more foreign investors to embark on joint ventures and breed more irresistible Pan-Asian beauties.



3. NURUL IZZAH ANWAR: Izzah is only 27 (she turns 28 on 19 November) and has been an MP for just eight months, but judging by her effortless poise and magnetic personality (she has nearly 5,000 friends on Facebook!) - not to mention her sparkling intelligence, maturity and dedication - she's already light years ahead of veteran politicos like Tengku Razaleigh - and every inch a natural-born Princess too. Put Nurul Izzah in a line-up with Rosmah Mansor, Rafidah Aziz, Shahrizat Abdul Jalil, Azalina Othman - and for good measure throw in the alluring Umno Princess Noraini Ahmad, the winsome Hannah Yeoh, and the indomitable Teresa Kok - and see just who the rakyat will nominate as prime ministerial candidate. Yup, Izzah is Daddy's Girl right down to her determination, her drive, her charismatic beauty and above all, her winning streak.



4. WAN AZIZAH ISMAIL: No other woman in Malaysia has done as much to demonstrate the quiet, gentle power of the Feminine Principle as former Opposition Leader Wan Azizah, fondly known as Kak Wan. She studied medicine at the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland and was awarded gold medals in obstretics and gynecology, but opted to graduate as an ophthamologist instead. When her husband was sacked as deputy PM and finance minister in September 1998, Wan Azizah rose to the occasion and led the Reformasi movement as president of Parti KeADILan Nasional (the National Justice Party, which later merged with Parti Rakyat Malaysia to form Parti Keadilan Rakyat or the People's Justice Party).

All through the difficult years when her husband was incarcerated and in grievous pain from an untreated spinal injury, Wan Azizah carried herself with courage, dignity and stoicism - and yet she had a warm smile and a kind word for everyone she met at ceramahs. The people of Malaysia not only hold Wan Azizah in the highest esteem, but wholeheartedly adore, respect, and trust her. Not given to raising her voice or using harsh words, this living embodiment of nobility and virtue is the complete antithesis of - and the perfect antidote to - the degeneracy, corruption and hypocrisy within Umno that crept in during the Mahathir administration (and which continues to block the way for truly inspiring leaders to take over). With Wan Azizah as PM this nation will experience a massive healing and be restored to its destined greatness.



5. DATO' SERI ANWAR IBRAHIM: Is he the world's most successful failure - or Malaysia's response to Barack Obama? How come he's still the Opposition Leader and not PM? And why did he insist in September that he had "the numbers" for a bloodless takeover of the federal government? Will Saiful Bukhari's sodomy accusation be exposed as a vile conspiracy and the whole ridiculous case thrown out - or will Anwar find himself sucked into a rerun of the same nightmare, like a Prometheus chained to a rock and subject to having his reputation devoured by a vulture named Mahathir for all eternity?

Anwar Ibrahim is undeniably a man of extraordinary destiny, whose life reads like classic mythology, and whose trials and tribulations have been epic, perhaps even messianic. Feared, mistrusted, slandered, betrayed, unjustly accused, cruelly arrested, brutalized, politically crucified and thrown in the dungeon for six long years - Anwar Ibrahim's resurrection and heroic return from the political wilderness is the very stuff of legends. Despite the jaw-dropping miracle he has wrought by pulling and holding together the diverse factions within the Pakatan Rakyat opposition coalition - facilitating the political tsunami of 8 March 2008 that swept away Umno/BN's hitherto unvanquished and behemoth monopoly on power - some Malaysians remain skeptical and continue to mock Anwar's publicly stated ambition to become PM.

I am certainly not one of them. Since 2 September 1998 - the day Anwar ceased to be DPM, finance minister and Umno bigwig - I have been observing the man closely and he has conducted himself impeccably as a spiritual warrior and visionary leader. From grudging admiration and growing respect, I have come to love the man as dearly as I love myself and my country. Yes, I believe and trust in Anwar Ibrahim and I have absolutely no qualms that he will prove the best prime minister for Malaysia at this juncture of our political evolution.

Go for it, bro - and keep smiling!

These are the five bloggers I'm tagging: donplaypuks®, Bodohland, Patrick Teoh, ShadowFox, and Sarawak Headhunter.

(I don't know why I didn't tag any female bloggers, which I'm generally inclined to do, but I trust some of the guys I've named herein will rectify this gender imbalance ;-)

A PRAYER FOR THE LAND I LOVE

Dear God or Whatever You Prefer To Be Called These Days:
I'm not in the habit of publicizing my private thoughts,
But times are such that habits must be broken.
And so I will utter my innermost feelings
In the form of words,
Even though I know
That words are what imprison us
In mindsets of No Escape.

For I remain steadfast in my belief
That words spoken from the heart
Have the power to free us from
The evil clutches of political expediency.

 It saddens me to see such beautiful, graceful beings
Caught in the deceit of cosmetic piety,
Enslaved by the ugly dictum - "Money Talks!"
Enfeebled by the lame excuse - "What to do?"
Disempowered by the abject fear of False Authority,
And disenfranchised from their own glorious destinies.

Grant unto us the clarity and wisdom
To understand that we have no grander gift
To bestow on our children than the freedom
To speak their heart's truth
Without fear of punishment.

Grant unto us the courage and the fortitude
To truly embody the lofty ideals we hold so dear;
Let us not falter in our inner struggle
To throw off the mental shackles of Greed and Fear,
For those are the twin towers of Tyranny.

Grant unto us a Vision of the Real.
Let us not be misled by cunning projections
From the debased minds of "economic experts"
Who advise us not to "rock the boat" of Status Quo;
And whose dire warnings are couched in grave tones of
"Security and Stability."

Remember: DIGNITY and INTEGRITY
Are the keys to the Divine Sanctum of the Self!

And since each Nation is but a collectivity of Selves,
My greatest duty to the land I love
Is to always seek to be true to myself;
And my true self tells me:
Bear not the yoke of feudal despots
A moment longer than you need.
There's room and board enough for everyone,
Once you cast the Vampires of Vitality
From their vacuous palaces erected by the sweaty toil
Of half-wit slaves, who know not half their worth.

This beautiful, gracious land is YOURS -
Not THEIRS! (Well, it COULD be theirs too,
If they'd only see themselves as YOU).
The Reality of Heaven on Earth will soon be here,
And to that we are ALL heirs.

Antares
24 October 1998

[Cartoons courtesy of LAT]