A Closer Look At Anuses (revisited)

Extreme closeup of Umno's anus at 9:09 a.m. on 9 March 2008, after the party was sodomized by the Malaysian electorate. (Image courtesy of WritinMan)

This is how PUS... I mean PAS looked to the Malaysian electorate the morning after they discussed 'Islam and Malay Unity' in bed with Umno.

Saiful Bukhari's anus after Malaysiakini published Dr Mohamed Osman Abdul Hamid's report on its unravished condition.


MY LADY HAS A BEAUTIFUL ANUS

By John Kluivert

July 18, 2001

How do I love my lady's anus? Let me count the ways.

Have you seen her? Have you seen my beautiful lady and her anus? Unless you are an ex-boyfriend, her proctologist, or an art student in that class she modeled for, you probably have not have glimpsed the fairest orifice on God's green Earth. For this, you have my deepest sympathies.

I would put my lady's anus up against any of the legendary anuses of the past: Helen of Troy, Joan of Arc, Marie Curie, Eleanor Roosevelt. Even Cleopatra, who, according to legend, had a team of eunuchs apply balms and liniments with silken cloths to keep her anus and inner rectum immaculate, could not stand up to my lady. (My lady needs no such fripperies to be beautiful... though I do not hesitate to lavish them on her.) Lovely as Cleopatra's anus may have been, compared to my lady's, hers is a pustulent, lesion-ravaged hole.

My lady does not like me to go on and on about her anus, but how can I resist? When I look into that one brown eye, it's like gazing into a deep, untouched lake. Sometimes, it's as if I'm gazing through a taut, puckered window into her very soul, placing myself in danger of being hypnotized by the swirls of her rectum. Her anus is like a vessel I can't seem to fill with enough love, no matter how hard I try. I am not what one would call a holy man, but when I am gently kissing my lady's fragrant anus, I am convinced that there must be a higher power out there who made this sacred aperture.

As I am very protective of my lady's anus, few have seen it. Nevertheless, I am fond of waxing rhapsodic on its beauty. This can be difficult, though, for how does one describe the beauty of a Tuscan moon? How does one tell of the glory of the cosmos? Shakespeare would have written sonnets about it. Beethoven would have discarded his "Ode To Joy" in favor of "Ode To My Lady's Anus." And Raphael would have tried–and failed–to render its essence in oils. Lo, prodigious as these immortals' artistic gifts were, my lady's anus would have proven too elusive a muse for any of them to capture.

Yes, my lady's anus is a sight to behold. But it is not just a question of looks. For all its aesthetic loveliness, the greatest thing about my lady's anus is its personality. Sometimes silly, sometimes sad; sometimes dilated, sometimes clenched, it reveals a new wrinkle every time we meet.

Whether I see it reflected in candlelight during a romantic dinner or after it has just awakened from a night's slumber, my lady's anus is still as lovely to me as the first time I saw it. My friends say I won't feel the same way about it when it's 60. I disagree. It may lose that youthful glow, but this is the kind of anus that will only ripen with age. As further assurance, I once caught a glimpse of my lady's mother's anus and, as we all know, the apple does not fall far from the tree.

People say I'm spoiling my lady's anus by buying imported, hand-woven silk toilet paper. But do you polish a diamond with sandpaper? Do you restore the Mona Lisa with a hammer? My lady's anus deserves ruby and emerald enemas. Swabs of cotton soaked in the finest champagne. Anything less would be woefully inadequate for an orifice of such sublime beauty.

And don't even get me started on her perineum.


And now, an exclusive report from Down Under...

GETTING TO THE BOTTOM OF AN UNWHOLESOME OBSESSION

March 23, 2005

HEARD of sphincter bleaching? Beauticians are billing it as the new Brazilian wax. "In the last couple of months I've had a lot of requests, so I've started some experiments," says Sydney beautician Anna Marsiano from The Bees' Knees salon.

"I've got one client who's a divorced woman with a couple of kids. She was looking at a Playboy magazine with her new boyfriend and he was making some comments about how clean and light the women looked. My client started to get a little paranoid."

Marsiano says she uses a herbal brand popular in the Philippines as a facial whitener. It is applied to the dark pigmentation around women's rectums as well as to their vaginal areas. Marsiano says the product does not damage the skin and has "rejuvenating" properties.

But another Sydney beautician, asked about her anal lightening equipment, produces a completely different product altogether. It's a cream that clearly states it is designed to be used on hair. This beautician has treated sex workers and strippers for years, but says mainstream demand has risen sharply over the past six months. She acknowledges that her long-term clients (many of whom come in for treatments every six weeks) suffer serious skin problems. "I explain that it will give them eczema and so on, but they want it anyway," she says.

Hard-line feminists will no doubt respond with an outraged "What will the misogynist patriarchy do to us next?" (possibly staging some sort of "reclaim the date" march). The cosmetic entrepreneurs, meanwhile, are bound to capitalise on the controversy by selling DIY backdoor bleaching kits (possibly along the lines of the personalised mouth moulds provided for teeth whitening).

As with all debates about society's relentless pursuit of beauty, however, the answer to "how much is too much?" is hard to ascertain.

The good news on sphincter bleaching is that it's safer than anything involving general anaesthetics or fat-vacuuming gizmos. The bad news is that you could be in for a lifetime of skid marks. The chairwoman of the Australian Medical Association's ethics committee, Rosanna Capolingua, says the use of harsh bleaching substances could cause anal burning and scarring. This, in turn, could lead to anal incontinence or an inability to pass stools at all.

Sound attractive? If the figures in the cost and reward equation don't add up, perhaps it's worth giving the bleach a miss and locating a lover who doesn't expect your bum to look like Barbie's.

NATIONAL ASSHOLES
(Unretouched photos from the archive)

 

    [First posted 28 July 2008. Updated 23 November 2015]                                                                          

77 DAYS UNDER NAJIS...

-... AND WHAT WE HAVE IS...

THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS.

1STEAMING-STINKING-
GODAWFUL-MESS!

*Technically, today is Najis Toon Rosak's 74th day as Crime Minister.
77 days if he started work on April 1st - which makes his ascent to power the
most tasteless April Fool's Joke ever played on Malaysia.

BURY THE NAZI ANAL FRONT!

BURY

THE NAZI

ANAL

FRONT

IN 2008

RECLAIM YOUR POWER...
AND YOUR WEALTH!

PARTY HOPPING & THE ETHICS OF DEFECTION (Reprise)

[This was originally posted on 7 April 2008. Five months down the line the topic has become even more cogent, so I'm reposting it!]

ONG KIAN MING is a PhD candidate in political science at Duke University and OON YEOH is a writer and new media analyst. You can listen to both of them discuss this topic in their Realpolitik podcast. Read the original post at Malaysiakini.

I can understand and, in principle, agree with Ong Kian Ming and Oon Yeoh's prescription of choosing the moral high ground over the political expedient of accepting crossovers to the Pakatan Rakyat from a disintegrating BN. However, much as the strategy of accelerating the Pakatan Rakyat's takeover of the Federal government through negotiated crossovers is fraught with uncertainties and ethical ambiguities, I would applaud - and even encourage - such a move.

One month after the tectonic shift of the March 8th elections, it is clear to all observers that the BN sadly lacks professional ethics and dedication to the national good. Instead of quickly regaining their dignity by openly and willingly cooperating with the new Pakatan Rakyat state governments, BN diehards like Azalina Othman and Mohd Khir Toyo are actively focused on sabotaging and punishing what they perceive as the enemy.


They are unable to see that the Pakatan Rakyat represents the will of an overwhelming majority of Malaysians. By declaring war against the Pakatan, BN has effectively become the enemy of the people and, as such, cannot be trusted to act in the public interest rather than its own narrow party interests.

Each day the Federal government continues to be under BN control is another day of momentum lost in the direction of genuine reform. There is no political will within BN to address urgent issues like judicial rot and a less than professional police force. Abdul Gani Patail stubbornly clings to his position as Attorney-General and nobody has resigned from the ACA. Police reports filed against members of the former state excos in Penang, Kedah, Perak and Selangor for illegally removing or destroying official documents and records have led to absolutely no action - or at least none that I'm aware of. THe BN-owned media obstinately persist in their ingrained habit of partisan reportage, and all Umno can think about is its own survival as a no longer relevant monoethnic political party in a new transethnic political landscape.

One thing we can be sure of: every move the BN makes from now on will be aimed at undermining the Pakatan Rakyat instead of seizing this historic moment to genuinely reform itself.

So, even though it will spawn a measure of ethical ambiguity, the pragmatic wisdom of dealing the BN government a death blow NOW - before they have time to drag us deeper into irreversible ruin - holds a strong appeal. Many of us, like Ong Kian Ming and Oon Yeoh, are wary of sudden, radical change. Ong and Yeoh are academics and theoreticians with no dirt on their hands. Seasoned politicians like Anwar Ibrahim, Nik Aziz and Lim Kit Siang understand that no movement is possible without a little bit of zigzagging - indeed, that's how bipeds move in an apparent straight line, by swinging from left to right and back again. Instead of fearing contradiction, let us embrace it as the only way to organic truth.

I would prefer to give the BN crossovers the benefit of the doubt. It would be totally unrealistic to assume that everybody who enters politics does so to serve his or her community. Every creature is programmed to seek optimum advantage for itself. The more intelligent ones know their self-advantaging activities have to align and coincide with what benefits the greater community, otherwise they will soon be curtailed. Let's envision this: if 30 BN crossovers allow Pakatan Rakyat the option of taking over the Federal government in 2008 instead of 2012, there will be far less likelihood that we will all be dragged down with the sinking BN.

Perhaps the price isn't such a high one? Some of these crossover politicians are doing so primarily because they feel their leadership potential hasn't been appreciated and cannot be realized within BN. Why not give them a chance to prove their worth as Pakatan Rakyat MPs? Take a closer look at the illustration of a frog above. If you lean your head to the right you'll see it turns into a horse - and right now the Pakatan Rakyat requires more horsepower to outrun the vicious BN dogs snapping at its heels.

Anwar Ibrahim @ Shah Alam, 1st July 2008

I wish to record my sincere appreciation to the dynamic team at MediaRakyat for uploading Anwar Ibrahim's full speech at the Shah Alam stadium on YouTube within a matter of hours. Now Malaysians around the world can hear what the man has to say... and decide for themselves whether they still prefer the Devil They Know!

ANWAR: Ceramah @ Shah Alam (1 July 2008) PART 1


PART 2


PART 3


PART 4


PART 5


[Courtesy of MediaRakyat]

Did I read this in The Star or NST? NOPE!

Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak and his wife Datin Seri Rosmah Mansor at a press conference (photo from NST)

An influential Malaysian blogger alleges that Najib’s wife was present when the Mongolian translator was murdered in 2006

Asia Sentinel

One of Malaysia’s most prominent bloggers, in an explosive statutory declaration to a Malaysia court, has alleged that the wife of Deputy Prime Minister Najib Tun Razak as well as a Malaysian Army officer and the officer’s wife were directly involved in the murder of Mongolian translator Altantuya Shaariibuu on October 19, 2006, and that people at the very top of the Malaysian government are aware of the fact.

The declaration, by Raja Petra Kamarudin, who edits the web publication Malaysia Today, has been ignored by Malaysia’s government-linked mainstream media. However, it threatens to finally break open the case. Even if it doesn’t, it adds considerable chaos to the country’s political mix. The Barisan Nasional, the national ruling coalition, is reeling from the loss of its two-thirds majority in March elections.

Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, taking the brunt of criticism over the loss, has already promised to step down at some future date to cede the premiership to Najib. District elections are due in July in the United Malays National Organisation and there are suspicions that the verdict in the Altantuya murder trial is being delayed until the elections are completed.

Raja Petra wrote that Najib’s wife, Rosmah Mansor, and Acting Colonel Aziz Buyong and his wife, Norhayati, Rosmah’s aide-de-camp, were present at the scene of the murder and that Aziz Buyong was the individual who placed C4 plastic explosive on Altantuya’s body and blew it up. Both Najib and his wife have repeatedly denied any involvement in the case although top society in Kuala Lumpur has been buzzing for months with rumors of their complicity.

Shaariibuu was executed by two shots to the head and her body was blown up with military explosives in a patch of jungle near the suburban city of Shah Alam. One of Najib’s closest friends, Abdul Razak Baginda, once the influential head of a political think-tank, and two of Najib’s bodyguards, Chief Inspector Azilah Hadri and Corporal Sirul Azhar Umar of the elite Unit Tindak Khas or Special Police Action Unit, have been the subject of a marathon murder trial that got underway more than a year ago.

Neither Najib nor his chief of staff, Musa Safri, has been questioned nor summoned as a witness despite the fact that Baginda in a sworn statement in November 2006 said he had contacted Musa for help in dealing with Altantuya, his jilted lover. That has raised widespread suspicions that the court – prosecution, defense and judiciary – have all been struggling to keep the case under wraps. It has been subject to numerous delays for reasons that are unclear.

Raja Petra himself is due to go on trial in October on sedition charges that were filed against him for writing an article titled “Let’s Send The Altantuya’s Murderers to Hell” and accusing Najib, his wife and others of complicity in the murder. He amplified the statement considerably in his statutory declaration, made last Wednesday, in which he also said that Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi had been a full report by military intelligence on the involvement of his deputy premier’s family. Badawi gave the intelligence report to his son-in-law, Khairy Jamaluddin, for safekeeping, according to Raja Petra’s statement.

Raja Petra, a member of the Selangor royal family, also wrote that one of the country’s sultans had been given a full report on the matter. He didn’t identify the sultan, but that raises additional implications, presumably that there is at least one member of royalty who can back up his declaration, which was made under oath, if he is subjected to additional charges over the matter.

From the time Altantuya’s body was discovered, there has been widespread suspicion that not only figures at the top of the government were involved but that the 28-year-old translator and mother of two may have been involved in a much bigger controversy than a jilted relationship. She made several trips to Kuala Lumpur to attempt to confront Baginda, at one point standing in front of his house and screaming “Razak, bastard, come out.” The last time she was seen alive was again in front of his house, when she was bundled into a car and taken away.

She accompanied Baginda to France when he was involved in negotiating the purchase of two Scorpene submarines and a used Agosta submarine produced by the French government through a French-Spanish joint venture, Armaris, for the Malaysian defense ministry, which was headed by . The submarines were bought through a Kuala Lumpur-based company, Perimekar Sdn Bhd, which at the time was owned by yet another company called Ombak Laut, which was wholly owned by Abdul Razak Baginda.

The €1 billion (RM4.5 billion) contract to buy the submarines was non-competitive and netted Perimekar €114 million. Although Najib has sworn an oath to Allah that he had never met the woman, he was in France at the same time one of his best friends was there, dealing with matters over the submarine. A cousin of Altantuya's testified at the trial that she had seen a picture of Najib together with the dead woman, but she was quickly hushed up by both defense and prosecution lawyers about the matter.

Altantuya, by her own admission in a letter discovered after her death, wrote that she had been blackmailing Abdul Razak, presumably to keep his family from finding out about their relationship. But in his cautioned statement to the police, Baginda said he had already informed his family of the relationship and said she was pressuring him for US$500,000. Her father, Setev Shaariibuu, a psychology professor in Ulan Bataar, has said she was killed because she "knew too much," although he has never elaborated on that statement.

Given the close relationship between the two men, and that Najib was reported as presenting jackets made available by Perimekar to the submarine crews training in France, and that Altantuya was along with Baginda, it is difficult to believe they had not met.

It is also difficult to believe, given the wealth of published reports, plus the fact that Azilah Hadri, and Sirul Azhar Umar, were members of Najib's own bodyguard unit, that neither has been questioned about how the bodyguards came to be involved in allegations of Altantuya's murder.

READ THE REST HERE.

NEWSFLASH! THIS APPEARED IN THE STAR TODAY...

KUALA LUMPUR: Lim Kit Siang (DAP-Ipoh Timor) has submitted a notice calling for an emergency motion to discuss allegations by online news portal Malaysia Today editor Raja Petra Kamaruddin over the Altantuya Shaariibuu murder case.

In his notice, Lim said the credibility and legitimacy of the Government would suffer a mortal blow if the Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi and those named in the allegations remained silent on the matter.

Copies of the notice were distributed to reporters in the Parliament Lobby.

Lim repeated the statutory declaration by Raja Petra who claimed that he was reliably informed that three people were present at the scene when Altantuya's body was blown up.

"He (Raja Petra) said these three people have thus far not been implicated in the murder nor called as witnesses by the prosecution in the ongoing trial at the Shah Alam High Court.

"He was aware that it is a crime not to reveal evidence that may help the police in its investigation of the crime,” Lim said.

- The Star

CROSSOVERS AND BN'S BAG OF DIRTY TRICKS

Sarawak has been part of Malaysia since 1963. Yet each time I visit it feels like a very different world than Peninsular Malaysia. For one thing, the girls of Sarawak are not only delightfully friendly, they're also impossible to resist. The tribes have mingled genes over the centuries - not only amongst themselves, but also with a wide spectrum of European adventurers. And Chinese genes are evident almost everywhere one goes - testimony to the far-reaching influence of the Ming Emperor in the 15th century when master navigators like Admiral Zheng He commanded enormous fleets that sailed more than halfway around the world, establishing diplomatic, economic, and genetic links wherever they dropped anchor.

However, until the political paradigm shift of March 8th, 2008, I noticed that few Sarawakians were inclined to openly discuss politics. The impression I got was that their long-reigning Chief Minister, Taib Mahmud, had inherited the mantle of quasi-divine power established in 1841 by James Brooke (right), the young English sea captain who planted the Union Jack in Borneo and crowned himself King. In effect, political power has been jealously guarded by the Chief Minister, his family, and his close business associates for decades. Anybody who wasn't happy with the situation had only three options: keep their mouth shut, go to jail, or leave the island.

Since GE12, however, things have changed dramatically. I noticed that almost everybody I bumped into in Sarawak was subscribed to Malaysiakini - or else was an avid reader of political blogs like Malaysia Today. Although no one expressed any rebellious views, they all seemed a great deal more relaxed and ready to embrace inevitable change. The general feeling was that Taib Mahmud's time was almost up - and that what Sarawak needed wasn't more of the same old feudal patriarchy and its politics of patronage but a quantum jump into participatory democracy.

There's been a great deal more political gossip after the March elections than ever before and one juicy morsel I picked up during my recent stay struck me as something I ought to blog about. I can't disclose my source, but I have no doubt that the information is reliable. Apparently, a great majority of Sarawak politicos are keen to realign themselves with the Pakatan Rakyat - and the Barisan Nasional is acutely worried about this. To deter Sarawak MPs from crossing over, BN has resorted to blackmail.

Recently, the Attorney-General (left) was despatched on a secret mission to dissuade potential party-hopping frogs from taking the leap. He was armed with incriminating evidence culled from years of Special Branch dossiers on a few prominent Sarawak politicos. They were told: "Hop and you will land yourself in hot water!"

Now this is bad news for everybody, no matter how you look at it. First, it only reinforces the popular perception of politics as a truly dirty business; and reveals the SB and the AG as totally partisan tools of the BN (which is evident anyhow to any impartial observer). Secondly, it indicates that BN will use any and every means at its disposal to cling on to power indefinitely. No trick is too foul, no crime too dastardly, and no option too outrageous - BN simply will not accept defeat!

So the only recourse left is to declare a blanket amnesty on the political past of any BN leader who crosses over to Pakatan Rakyat. No matter what accusations of corruption or scandal the BN throws at them, the Rakyat will offer them the Chua Soi Lek option - that is, admit your past misdeeds, apologize for them, and declare your willingness to start on a totally clean slate. Nobody I know thinks ill of Chua Soi Lek (pictured right) because he handled his sex scandal with aplomb and dignity. He acknowledged that the guy in the video was indeed him, apologized, and resigned. By so doing, Soi Lek successfully maintained his integrity and established himself as one of the all-too-few honest BN leaders. If Chua Soi Lek chooses to revive his career in politics, he would do well to quit the moribund and meaningless MCA and join either DAP or PKR. Everybody I've spoken with has only positive things to say about his track record as Health Minister.

Speaking of Soi Lek, I picked up an interesting tidbit about the people behind the sex video sting. Apparently, they had links to pharmaceutical and medical suppliers who used to enjoy lucrative wheelings and dealings with Soi Lek's predecessors. However, Soi Lek took over the Health Ministry and decided to put a stop to the hanky-panky. Obviously, there are lots of sore losers around whose knee-jerk reaction is to resort to dirty tricks.

Folks, we really are left with no option but to dedicate our efforts to accelerating BN's demise as a political force. To allow such unevolved and unenlightened entities to continue to misrule Malaysia for even another six months would be entirely ruinous to our national destiny.