THESE ARE PUNNY TIMES WE LIVE IN...

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's Round Table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his enormous girth from too much pi.

2. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

3. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

19. A backward poet writes inverse.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

22. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

23. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.




[Contributed by Vernon Cornelius]