MORE SUNDAY FUNNIES (repost)

How Saiful sharpens his pencils (forwarded by V.C.)

Time to send Ezam packing! (courtesy of Susan Loone & Wits)

Dickotine fix, anyone? Cock-tipped! (forwarded by V.C.)

[First posted 18 January 2009]

NO IMAGE EVER GOES TO WASTE... (expanded)

Nik Aziz loyalists watch in horror as Nasharudin Mat Isa 
returns after a night out with Najib.

Two who never found their way home from the PAS-UMNO unity talks.

The Erdogan Pussycat snug in the bosom of Sisters in Islam...

WARNING TO OWNERS OF CLAMSHELL CELLPHONES...
UNSUPERVISED USE CAN CAUSE IMPOTENCE!

Bottom-sniffers of the world, unite!

Another Kodiak moment.

Age-old question: is there humor in music?

In Michael Leunig We Trust...

Post begins with a pee.

How Vincent lost an ear.

Inspired Godzilla tat

5 Candidates for 6th Malaysian PM

Remember that "very intelligent" (or so he claims) 24-year-old subtitler named Kavilan who got everyone in stitches with his hysterically madcap Bee En Downfall Parody based on the Third Reich's final moments? Well, Kav just tagged me to name five of my favorite candidates for 6th Malaysian prime minister (and he doesn't care whether I'm serious or satirical).

And, as tag games go, Kav would like me to tag 5 other bloggers. Sheeesh, don't we already spend too much time online? But since Kav is such an ebullient young chap, bubbling over with zany wit and acute insights into local politics - and he seems set to make even bigger waves as an all-round agent provocateur - I figured it won't hurt to oblige. Besides, this could turn out quite fun. So here are my five choices for the next prime minister of Malaysia...




1. LATOK LAT @ Mohd Nor Khalid: With so many cartoon characters in the Cabinet, we really ought to have a master cartoonist as PM. Especially one listed among the World's Top 100 Cartoonists! I've known Lat for 38 years. He used to ride a noisy old Triumph motorcycle to work (he was on the crime desk at the NST in those days and the editors had no idea the kid could draw until they saw a feature on him in Asia Magazine). He was the only one who seemed impressed by the 450cc metallic purple 1948 BSA I owned (it had no rear shock absorbers so you can imagine how rattled I'd appear at the end of each ride).

We used to chill at a mutual friend's house in PJ, getting stoned and belting out a medley of Bob Dylan songs. A few years later some friends formed a bluegrass band called K.D. Possum & The Flying Fox and Lat joined us on lead guitar and bass (he was billed as "Nashville Slim" and he was damn good too, even crooned a couple of Johnny Cash songs occasionally). So with Lat as PM I'd have little to worry about. I doubt he'd ever ISA me. The worst that could happen if I refuse to giggle at his jokes might be he'd revert to calling me by my discarded User ID. Lat has a knack of injecting so much empathy and warmth into his caricatures. Nobody is evil in Lat's world (he could even make Dr M come across as lovable). After all the badmouthing and mudslinging that's been raging in local politics, Lat as PM would bring about genuine muhibbah and transform us all into true Malaysians.



2. SUFIAH YUSOF: Now this sexy young lady might be just what we need to instill a bit of discipline into our law enforcement thugs and bottom-pinching, child-molesting ministers. I know Sufiah charges £130 an hour for her services - which works out to £39,000 a month (or RM234,000). But she'd be worth every penny if she could whip the entire Cabinet into shape and turn civil servants into fine, upstanding members of society.

A former child prodigy in mathematics, Sufiah would be outstanding as finance minister too. In fact, with her undisputed multi-tasking skills, she could take over all the ministerial portfolios, thereby freeing the other MPs from tedious routine and allowing them the opportunity to take up healthy, useful hobbies like cycling, earthworm-breeding and yoga. The National Fatwa Council would be abolished and replaced with the National Fat-Reducing Council, with a special mandate to monitor the weight of all top rank bureaucrats. All those prone to obesity would be nominated as contestants in state-sponsored marathon fuckfests - or summoned to the PM's office after hours to perform national service.

Another distinct advantage of having Sufiah Yusof as PM would be getting Hannah Tan (left) as deputy PM. I've only ever bumped into Hannah once at the Actors Studio foyer in Bangsar and she came across as an extremely friendly and enchanting person with heaps of undiscovered potential.

As deputy PM her official duties would include doing what she's already does so well - which is to reassure Malaysians that there's no place like home. As DPM Hannah would also serve as our roving ambassador-at-large, luring more foreign investors to embark on joint ventures and breed more irresistible Pan-Asian beauties.



3. NURUL IZZAH ANWAR: Izzah is only 27 (she turns 28 on 19 November) and has been an MP for just eight months, but judging by her effortless poise and magnetic personality (she has nearly 5,000 friends on Facebook!) - not to mention her sparkling intelligence, maturity and dedication - she's already light years ahead of veteran politicos like Tengku Razaleigh - and every inch a natural-born Princess too. Put Nurul Izzah in a line-up with Rosmah Mansor, Rafidah Aziz, Shahrizat Abdul Jalil, Azalina Othman - and for good measure throw in the alluring Umno Princess Noraini Ahmad, the winsome Hannah Yeoh, and the indomitable Teresa Kok - and see just who the rakyat will nominate as prime ministerial candidate. Yup, Izzah is Daddy's Girl right down to her determination, her drive, her charismatic beauty and above all, her winning streak.



4. WAN AZIZAH ISMAIL: No other woman in Malaysia has done as much to demonstrate the quiet, gentle power of the Feminine Principle as former Opposition Leader Wan Azizah, fondly known as Kak Wan. She studied medicine at the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland and was awarded gold medals in obstretics and gynecology, but opted to graduate as an ophthamologist instead. When her husband was sacked as deputy PM and finance minister in September 1998, Wan Azizah rose to the occasion and led the Reformasi movement as president of Parti KeADILan Nasional (the National Justice Party, which later merged with Parti Rakyat Malaysia to form Parti Keadilan Rakyat or the People's Justice Party).

All through the difficult years when her husband was incarcerated and in grievous pain from an untreated spinal injury, Wan Azizah carried herself with courage, dignity and stoicism - and yet she had a warm smile and a kind word for everyone she met at ceramahs. The people of Malaysia not only hold Wan Azizah in the highest esteem, but wholeheartedly adore, respect, and trust her. Not given to raising her voice or using harsh words, this living embodiment of nobility and virtue is the complete antithesis of - and the perfect antidote to - the degeneracy, corruption and hypocrisy within Umno that crept in during the Mahathir administration (and which continues to block the way for truly inspiring leaders to take over). With Wan Azizah as PM this nation will experience a massive healing and be restored to its destined greatness.



5. DATO' SERI ANWAR IBRAHIM: Is he the world's most successful failure - or Malaysia's response to Barack Obama? How come he's still the Opposition Leader and not PM? And why did he insist in September that he had "the numbers" for a bloodless takeover of the federal government? Will Saiful Bukhari's sodomy accusation be exposed as a vile conspiracy and the whole ridiculous case thrown out - or will Anwar find himself sucked into a rerun of the same nightmare, like a Prometheus chained to a rock and subject to having his reputation devoured by a vulture named Mahathir for all eternity?

Anwar Ibrahim is undeniably a man of extraordinary destiny, whose life reads like classic mythology, and whose trials and tribulations have been epic, perhaps even messianic. Feared, mistrusted, slandered, betrayed, unjustly accused, cruelly arrested, brutalized, politically crucified and thrown in the dungeon for six long years - Anwar Ibrahim's resurrection and heroic return from the political wilderness is the very stuff of legends. Despite the jaw-dropping miracle he has wrought by pulling and holding together the diverse factions within the Pakatan Rakyat opposition coalition - facilitating the political tsunami of 8 March 2008 that swept away Umno/BN's hitherto unvanquished and behemoth monopoly on power - some Malaysians remain skeptical and continue to mock Anwar's publicly stated ambition to become PM.

I am certainly not one of them. Since 2 September 1998 - the day Anwar ceased to be DPM, finance minister and Umno bigwig - I have been observing the man closely and he has conducted himself impeccably as a spiritual warrior and visionary leader. From grudging admiration and growing respect, I have come to love the man as dearly as I love myself and my country. Yes, I believe and trust in Anwar Ibrahim and I have absolutely no qualms that he will prove the best prime minister for Malaysia at this juncture of our political evolution.

Go for it, bro - and keep smiling!

These are the five bloggers I'm tagging: donplaypuks®, Bodohland, Patrick Teoh, ShadowFox, and Sarawak Headhunter.

(I don't know why I didn't tag any female bloggers, which I'm generally inclined to do, but I trust some of the guys I've named herein will rectify this gender imbalance ;-)

Monty Python's Flying Circus ~ The Malaysian Adaptation!

I greatly enjoyed this ebullient essay published in Malaysiakini. For those of you who are too cheap to subscribe and therefore will not be able to access this little gem, I have reproduced it below in full (with sincere apologies to "V for Vernon" and Malaysiakini). Promise I won't do this sort of stuff too often! :-)...

SAD LOCAL ADAPTATION OF MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS

V for Vernon | Jul 2, 08 4:54pm

Dear Malaysians,

Once again we see the same lunatics trying to tar and feather Anwar Ibrahim with the most slanderous and demeaning allegations against his character. Mind you, these are the same clowns from ten years ago who tried to tell us that Anwar apparently sodomized his wife's driver in a bedroom of an apartment complex that wasn't built yet.


These are the same clowns that tried to lead us into believing that Anwar sodomized his wife's driver, when the driver himself admitted under oath three times in open court that Anwar did not sodomize him.

And here we are again, ten years later, and the circus is back in town trying to convince us that an almost six-footer of a 23-year-old man was forcibly sodomized by a relatively small-built 62-year old man with prior back surgery.

And this poor young man was apparently so severely sodomized that he has been rushed to hospital to have his anus probed for damage. Never mind the fact that this young man ‘disappeared’ for two days prior to the allegation and was in police custody.

But in all seriousness, if you believe this allegation against Anwar, then I have a submarine to sell to you (commissions thrown in, of course).

They say that prior to an earthquake, animals are often witnessed to be behaving strangely. So too with this allegation against Anwar. We should take heed of the behavior and related circumstances of some of our very own political animals.

This latest allegation against Anwar smacks of a poorly conceived last-minute strategy by a bunch of desperados. And Exhibit A in the list of desperados is actually a former dictator who now spends most of his time running around the country with his pants on fire.

Scandal after scandal has been surfacing about the misbehavior of this former dictator, starting with the infamous ‘Koreck Kronicles’ of a prominent lawyer who used to moonlight as a match-maker for corrupt judges and positions of power.

Closely following this was the recent bombshell of a disclosure by a present judge that this former dictator supposedly organized boot camps to demean and demoralize the nation's judges so that they may bow to the whims of him and his party apparatchik.

Around the same time, we have received reports from global financial experts that Malaysia has bled close to RM300 billion to corruption since the 1980s, a time period that unfortunately coincides with the two decades long rule of this former dictator.

And now, they say they want to have Petronas disclose their accounts to show where all the profits went - an outcome which may not be very favorable to a former dictator who is best known for trivial pursuits and expensive and dead-end crony-friendly mega projects, all at public expense, of course.

Exhibit B consists of two ringside clowns who were instrumental in the first inquisition circus against Anwar Ibrahim. One clown paraded into court on a unicycle while carrying a used mattress over his head, while the other clown built a case of sodomy around a star witness who denied he was ever sodomized.

Unfortunately, as with all things Umno, the clowns usually get promoted and they sit now in the corridors of power merrily honking their noses at the public. Furthermore, Malaysia Today editor Raja Petra Kamarudin has disclosed some very damaging information against one of these clowns and the possible affiliation with undesirables from the underworld, with signed affidavits to boot.

To date, neither clown has honked their noses in response to this serious allegation but are instead working double-time to not follow any useful leads or motive in the murder of some poor foreign girl who had some explosive connections with some very volatile people.

Exhibit C consists of a prominent high-level leader of Malaysia and her henpecked husband. This first-couple-in-waiting (or so they hope) now find themselves in a pickle with the recent Statutory Declaration filed in court by Raja Petra Kamarudin relating to some very explosive matters.


But I tell you what lah, we don't really need any Statutory Declaration to know that trained police bodyguards don't kill people randomly for no reason, that they also won't take orders from some civilian head of a think-thank, and that immigration entry records don't automatically vanish unless you have some clout in government.

Also, not to forget the the fact that C4 is not your grandfather's toothpaste that you can easily pick up at the local provisions shop.


Now all the characters in Exhibits A, B and C have much to lose from any change in government, and run a very good chance of being winners of extended-stay packages at Hotel & Resort Sungai Buloh, with at least one opportunity of a starring role in the resort's in-house adaptation of Murder She Wrote.

It is quite conceivable for the parties in Exhibits A, B, and C to come together as supporting roles for each other, especially considering that all of them are rotten branches that sprouted from the same diseased two-decades old tree.

The desperation of each individual party is the smoking-gun context around this latest slandering of Anwar Ibrahim, as well as the even more dire threat of an assassination attempt against him.

And all these events have coincided very nicely with the timing of the henpecked husband implying that he will be making a run for a top-notch political post in the very near future, on the behalf of his wife of course.

While the circus rolls into town, we are duly entertained by the clowns honking their noses, the first-couple-in-waiting (or so they hope) doing their political acrobatics over a bed of flaming coals, and the old ringmaster running around in circles with his pants on fire after trying to jump through a flaming hoop.

It is imperative we keep the spotlights trained on all these characters with maximum intensity and not get distracted by the concession stands trying to sell us 10-year old mee soto rebus.


As you know, concession stands always con you for the dough. So keep your eyes trained on the main act as the sad local adaptation of Monty Python's Flying Circus entertains us to their last hurrah.