Faculty of the Malaysian Institute of Advanced Sodomology
L-R: Mahathir Mohamad (patron), Musa Hassan (proctor), Daim Zainuddin (purser), Naif Ton Rasa (vice-chancellor), Gani Patail (dean), Shafee Abdullah (professor emeritus) GET OFF YOUR SMELLY BUTTS, PEOPLE! THIS IS THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME TO WIN A FULL SCHOLARSHIP FROM THE CRIME MINISTER'S DEPARTMENT. ACHIEVE YOUR AMBITION TO BECOME A PROFESSIONAL ASSHOLE. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TESTIFY AGAINST A CERTAIN OPPOSITION LEADER...
Enrolment starts at 9:00AM, 8 July 2009 @ the Jalan Duta Court Complex
Please wait at the Rear Entrance or contact recruitment officer Saiful Azlan Bukhari @ 012-2143177
Modern Times is a 1936 comedy film by Charlie Chaplin that has his iconic Little Tramp character struggling to survive in the modern, industrialized world. The film is a comment on the desperate employment and fiscal conditions many people faced during the Great Depression, conditions created, in Chaplin's view, by the efficiencies of modern industrialization. The movie stars Chaplin, Paulette Goddard, Henry Bergman, Stanley Sandford and Chester Conklin, and was written and directed by Chaplin.
Modern Times was deemed "culturally significant" by the Library of Congress in 1989, and selected for preservation in the United States National Film Registry. {Source: Wikipedia)
This is a 20-min excerpt featuring some of the funniest moments from this timeless masterpiece by Chaplin who, incidentally, also composed the soundtrack music.
Yesterday I received an email from Deena Saravanan who lives in Kg Buah Pala:
Greetings Antares,
Firstly let me apologize for intruding upon your life like this. Let me introduce myself. My name is Deena and I am a big fan of the writings that you post on your blog. Right now, I need your help. I am a resident of Kampung Buah Pala which is in Penang. I hope that you have heard about the particularly unfortunate circumstance surrounding this village. If you have not, then please know that the village is going to be demolished for the building of some ghastly apartments. Cecil Rajendra has taken up our case but unfortunately the federal court has kicked us out of our homes. Before the verdict was passed, Lim Guan Eng could have put a stop to this but he did not and even now after knowing that we are going to lose our home he is not doing a single thing to alleviate what we are going through. In this event, I am hoping that you could write a word or two in your blog to let the people know the injustice that has fallen upon us.
Sometimes i wish that you were the prime minister. I thank you for your time.
Deena Saravanan
(I am currently a student in the University of Nottingham Malaysia Campus doing Electrical and Electronic Engineering.)
100-year-old well at Kg Buah Pala where clear fresh water reaches ground level (photo by Anil Netto)
Dear Deena,
I'm glad you made the effort to contact me. Of course I have been following closely the drama surrounding Kg Buah Pala (that means Nutmeg Village, doesn't it?). At the same time another drama has been unfolding, involving Bukit Koman and a polluting gold mine near Raub partly owned by Pahang royalty (see embedded video below).
From what I've read by way of background on the Kg Buah Pala issue, the root causes are the usual suspects - predatory greed and corrupt bureaucrats. These are the unmistakable symptoms of arrogant, self-serving, unenlightened leadership at all levels - from village headmen right up to Istana Negara.
Kg Buah Pala residents hold a candlelight vigil to save their homes (courtesy of Anil Netto)
The anger directed at Lim Guan Eng and the Pakatan Rakyat state government is understandable, but somewhat misplaced. Just because LGE is CM doesn't mean he can decree that the federal appeal court erred in siding with the developer and order a complete halt to proceedings while the hanky-panky behind the land transfer is brought to light and the guilty parties punished.
Every Malaysian might as well be angry with himself or herself for having tolerated or repeatedly voted in the BN government since Merdeka. By minding our own business and leaving politics to the politicians, we have left it a bit too late. Moral gangrene has already set in and the only way to save the patient is amputation.
In this instance, amputation is a metaphor for suffering such grievous loss that we are compelled to reassess our entire lives and admit that we have been complete idiots to allow criminals to take over the power structure and run the show for so many generations. And all this time we keep behaving like robots - getting up, reading the newspaper over breakfast, going to work, coming home, watching TV, going to bed - and repeating the soul-destroying procedure day in and day out lifetime after lifetime.
Those in power would like us to remain forever sheeplike and robotic, earning and spending money and supporting a consumerist economy that gradually depletes our energy, negates our autonomy, and paralyzes our will to break free.
How can I help you and the residents of Kg Buah Pala?
My sympathies, of course, are always with the less privileged underclasses. However, I have lived long enough to observe that people enjoy playing the role of victims more than taking a heroic stand in small ways on a daily basis. At this juncture, the developer of the Oasis Project has already invested time and energy into realizing their devious scheme. Many officials have been paid off along the way. The Pakatan state government has only had 15 hectic months to learn the ropes (all badly knotted and twisted by the previous criminally negligent administration). A large section of the state bureaucracy remains stuck in the past, unable to change their corrupt, tidak apa attitudes.
Neither LGE nor I nor you nor Anwar nor Zaid nor Nizar nor Sivarasa nor even God has the power to order Musa Hassan, Gani Patail, and Ahmad Said Hamdan to step down for failing to carry out their duties impartially. Umno/BN controls the MACC, PDRM, Petronas and Bank Negara. It's academic now to state that the BN would have lost power completely after the last general election if not for massive electoral fraud, gerrymandering and dubious postal votes. The fact remains the BN is still the federal government and it is ferociously clinging to power rather than doing some deep thinking and resolving to reform itself.
A rich-versus-poor drama unfolds amidst a media flurry at the "High Chaparral"
A lot of problems in the country - the Perak power grab, the racial divide, mediocre leadership, police violence, EC and MACC unprofessionalism and so on - are moral rather than legal issues. The law is just a thick pile of written guidelines and references. It has no conscience or ethical sense. That must come from the human beings administering the justice system. Everybody now knows the Malaysian judiciary, the police, the state agencies, etc., have all been contaminated and corrupted - perhaps beyond redemption - after 22 years of hypocrisy and deviousness under Mahathir.
Since no Pakatan Rakyat leader has the legal clout to fire Najib and his entire cabinet, we are forced to look on helplessly while glaring injustices proliferate around us. The only way things will ever change is when Umno/BN no longer holds the country ransom through fear and total control of law enforcement agencies.
The famous Ponggol festival at High Chaparral is a cultural legacy worth preserving
Sure, I can and will add my voice to the chorus of voices commenting about the imminent showdown at High Chaparral. The corrupt way in which Nusmetro Ventures acquired the land and the vulgar hideousness of their misguided scheme to wipe out part of Penang's heritage by burying the 200-year-old memory of Kg Buah Pala under a boring, sterile highrise condo project causes me to shake my head and feel pangs of anguish.
There are times when I wish I could get my hands on all these greedy developers, loggers, miners, wheeler-dealers, entrepreneurs, moguls and tycoons - plus their advertising and public relations agents - and spank them all till they can't sit down for a week.
Indian Cowboys add an exotic element to Ponggol at the High Chaparral
(Bet my arms will fall off before I'm even halfway done, there are just so many of them!)
But would that make these people have a sudden change of heart and see eye-to-eye with you and me? Or would they regroup their resources and launch a revenge attack on us with a whole army of goons, rempits and samsengs (uniformed or otherwise)? We're talking about the recipe for civil war now. And, Deena, I realize we are already in the midst of a civil war - one fought through propaganda and money incentives.
Ask yourself: why are there still fairly intelligent people working in The Star, NST, Utusan Malaysia, TV3, RTM, and so on? Don't they realize they are serving the Dark Forces? Have they never considered what their own grandchildren will think of them? How come so few policemen and policewomen have resigned in disgust at what's become of the PDRM? Surely all these thousands of human beings cannot be in favor of deceit, dishonesty, cruelty, injustice, criminal negligence and obscene greed? Why do people continue to support such a rotten system?
Don't they know they have the power to down tools and refuse to obey orders until regime change happens?
Kg Buah Pala residents show their determination and solidarity
Deena, you probably have guessed by now that I am more a dreamer and visionary - what people used to call a philosopher - than a politician or streetfighter. In an emergency I'm prepared to go out into the streets with thousands of others and show that we refuse to accept any more shit from the current power-wielders. But generally I'm more in my element just thinking about and expressing my views on various issues.
I leave it in the hands of full-time professional politicians like Anwar Ibrahim, Lim Kit Siang, Nik Aziz, Azmin Ali and Teresa Kok to take remedial action wherever possible. They, in turn, depend on us for popular support. When we start turning against these Opposition leaders before they even have enough experience or power to do anything radical - we are guilty of projecting our own inadequacies on them.
We keep waiting for Superman to appear like a bolt from the sky and rescue us - just as Christians continue praying to Jesus Christ Superstar to redeem and forgive their failings, save their souls and usher them through the gates of heaven.
Why must the police always side with the rich and powerful?
The issues leading to the present deadlock in Kg Buah Pala are indeed complex and go back generations, even millennia. You have to remind yourself - who does the land ultimately belong to, if anyone? From time immemorial we have suffered monarchs who lay sovereign claim to all land within their domain; and who subsequently parcel out plots to their loyal henchmen as rewards along with fancy titles. These landed gentry, as their fortunes change and their bloodlines weaken, are forced to resell their property to others in exchange for cash - or they could lose their hereditary lands through the vicissitudes of war. Today, those with the most capital gain access to power - directly or indirectly.
As an Opposition MP, Lim Guan Eng was free to speak his mind and openly side with the oppressed and the poor. However, now that he has become the Penang chief minister, he has to consider issues from all sides and avoid antagonizing and punishing the middle-class and the capitalist elite whose financial support he needs to continue governing the state. You and I are free to react the way we feel - but holding high office is a massive responsibility. One has to keep a cool head and stay above the fray. I don't envy LGE his predicament. It's certainly a case of damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.
Long-time Kg Buah Pala residents are deeply attached to their idyllic nook
Should he openly act in favor of the Kg Buah Pala residents, he will be praised by one segment of society and viciously condemned by another. From reading comments on various blogs, I've become aware that there's a great divide of opinions between those who have a vested interest in seeing the Oasis Project continue (condo buyers, contractors, suppliers, and so on) - and those who are, like me, thoroughly fed up of inequity, iniquity and injustice - not to mention brainless "development" projects that benefit only a tiny handful at the expense of everybody else.
If it were up to me, I would outlaw financial speculation, commercial usury, and ugly, unnecessary development. Ambitious and greedy people will loathe my policies while the saintly and humble will sing my praises. Alas, in a world fueled by money, the capitalist class will gang up, pool their resources, hire a hitman and have me assassinated - just like they did to JFK, RFK, Martin Luther King, and so many other would-be reformers.
If I were PM, Deena, I wouldn't last 3 months before getting poisoned - just like poor Pope John Paul I who died after 33 days in office, clutching a notepad on which was written the names of all the corrupt cardinals he was planning to sack.
Since 8 March 2008 I have been eagerly awaiting the moment Anwar Ibrahim gets appointed as PM.
But there are so many in this country - from corporate tycoons like Vincent Tan of Berjaya and Lin Yun Ling of Gamuda to retired ministers like Ling Liong Sik and Daim Zainuddin, and probably the entire Conference of Rulers, and even the police and military - who would probably soil their underpants just contemplating a Pakatan Rakyat government and Ketuanan Rakyat.
Many (like Jibby and Dotty) will be forced to flee the country; some (like Gani and Musa) will end up behind bars; others will lose face and social status and be compelled to return the bulk of all the loot they have stolen from the rakyat for decades.
They refuse to be evicted from this vibrant community in Bukit Gelugor, Penang
What constitutes a wonderful dream for all good, honest citizens will be prove to be the worst possible nightmare for those who were once on top of the economic heap. Most of them got there through various forms of chicanery and unethical means.
I'm grateful that you inspired this long essay, Deena. Unfortunately, I can't think of any action I can take short of physically showing up at Kg Buah Pala to express solidarity with all of you on August 2nd. I can picture a tense standoff between bulldozers, FRU - and 10,000 stubborn people determined to show they're tired of seeing greedy, insensitive, hypocritical and corrupt people always calling the shots.
As somebody who thoroughly loathes the very concept of condominiums, I am certainly adding my prayers to yours that a miracle will happen to save Kg Buah Pala from unnecessary destruction. Penang definitely needs to preserve its own history and I can see your village becoming a tourist attraction like the set for Hobbiton in New Zealand. I love simplicity and the sight of grazing goats and cows. I've always felt happier and more relaxed amongst humble folk - and from the pictures I've seen, Kg Buah Pala looks like a secret paradise for a long-established community - sort of like a Malaysian Brigadoon.
Kg Buah Pala: an oasis of rustic tranquility amidst an increasingly urbanized island
I shake my head at those who tie up their cash buying ugly, soulless highrise apartments when they could easily live away from the congestion amidst lush greenery in a modest energy-efficient bungalow. In the age of satellite communications, the concept of squeezing millions of people into every square mile of space is tragically antiquated.
The Oasis Project: another shameless land scam perpetrated by the previous BN administration?
Lim Guan Eng may be the chief minister of Penang. But that doesn't mean he has the power or the right to punish the stupidly and tastelessly rich. He is, of course, at liberty to ensure that the politically connected and corruptly greedy be made to pay for their misdeeds which invariably bring about much suffering to humble folk - but before that can happen we may have to sack the Umno-appointed head of MACC - along with three-quarters of our judges and two-thirds of our senior police officers - not to mention the entire Najib Cabinet.
One more thing, Deena: do you mind if I upload my reply to you as a blogpost? It will at least get more people to mull over these issues. If enough decent humans put our foot down, even the biggest, best-armed crook in town will have to pack up and leave.
Warmly, Antares ~^@^~
P.S. At the moment the fate of Kg Buah Pala hangs in the BN balance. It's up to former chief minister Koh Tsu Koon to persuade the federal government to accept responsibility for the present impasse or face serious karmic consequences. For the Oasis Project to be scrapped, certain parties will have to be compensated, since the federal court has ruled, justly or unjustly, in their favor.
The Kampung Buah Pala village impasse in Bukit Gelugor, Penang, can easily end with a mere stroke of a pen by chief minister Lim Guan Eng, said Hindraf leader P Uthayakumar. Video by John Motes, Citizen Journalist
You must remember that laws were originally made by the ruling elite to protect their own interests. Only when they attain a measure of civility and compassion do these laws get modified to protect the less privileged from exploitation and outright injustice. As long as the majority of Malaysians allow themselves to be suckered into believing in "progress" - thinking that Starbucks is more appealing than an old-style Chinese coffee shop or friendly warung - people will continue to bulldoze away all the charm of their own history in exchange for an illusory airconditioned lifestyle. I look forward to rejoicing in a people's victory in the case of Kg Buah Pala.
Citizen journalists Jimmy Leow and Chan Lilian have gone to Kampung Buah Pala or High Chaparral several times. Here is a video of the folks from Kampung Buah Pala. The village has been embroiled in a drama involving suspected landscams by the previous Barisan Nasional state government, broken pre-election promises by the Pakatan Rakyat politicians. Recently Hindraf challenged CM Lim Guan Eng to change the fate of this village with a stroke of his pen. Meanwhile, Darshan Singh, a lawyer described the whole thing as 'Bullshit'. Though the two citizen journalists do not understand what some of the villagers said in Tamil, they feel they should share the faces of the folks of Kampung Buah Pala. These people are having sleepless nights and the younger generation are guarding the village by setting up a sentry to prevent the developer from demolishing their houses.
Despite encountering monumental obstacles to true justice, we can take heart in the fact that more and more Malaysians are waking up and courageously asserting their rights as citizens. Read Nathaniel Tan's post on the Bukit Koman issue here.
GREEN is for the Islamic Party, PAS, whose politics are founded on religion. A dangerous mix indeed. Politics concern the outer world and religion the inner. Ideally the inner and outer ought to be aligned and in dynamic balance. But who determines the parameters of inner space, the dimensions of belief and faith? A panel of ulamas (spiritual leaders)?
There have been many theocratic nations that have lasted hundreds, even thousands of years. Ancient Egypt flourished for millennia and it was a civilization built around the concept of the Pharaoh as a divine manifestation. Tibet was for centuries essentially a lamacracy ruled by lamas with the Dalai Lama as titular head. Constantine and, later Charlemagne, tried to establish a Holy Roman Empire with Roman Catholicism at its core. Salah ad-Dīn Yusuf ibn Ayyub aka Saladin had the same vision of conquering the world for Islam. America under the Neocons may be said to have been the reincarnation and modern manifestation of a 4,000-year-old dream of a Unified Judeo-Christian World.
RED & WHITE represent courage and purity, and it's probable that the Democratic Action Party (DAP) chose these colors as a nod to its early ideological links with Lee Kuan Yew's People's Action Party (PAP).
RED is also the color most frequently associated with Communism and Socialism as it's a martial color symbolizing passion, heroism, and victory and prosperity through sacrifice and struggle. The Chinese national flag is RED. Singapore's is RED & WHITE. So are the Canadian and Swiss flags - though the Canadians and Swiss are hardly into socialism in a big way.
Nor is UMNO whose official colors, interestingly, also happen to be red and white - making it an energetic match for the DAP. However, the UMNO logo is in blood red, indicative of strong racialism and an atavistic propensity to resolve disputes through brute force.
DARK BLUE is the color of Barisan Nasional and policemen's pants. Nobody (except perhaps a policewoman in heat) likes to be forced to look at policemen's pants closeup.
BN achieved a measure of popular support for many decades by putting the "development" agenda at the forefront at a time when people were eager to embrace modernity and prosper. Alas, internal weaknesses - mainly unfettered corruption, blatant cronyism and nepotism, and heavy-handed abuse of power - brought the ruling party into disrepute and it was shown the massive disfavor of voters in the last general election.
Panicked by the imminent prospect of losing power after 52 years, BN swung violently to the right by muscling the utterly unpopular Najib Razak into the post of crime minister.
Clinging desperately to the status quo through flat-footed police intimidation and high-priced image consultants, BN's dark blue banner with the archaic scale symbol has come to represent endless despair to young Malaysians who dream of a harmonious, joyful and wealthy nation managed by brilliant and talented individuals untainted by generations in power. However, almost all the brilliant and talented ones have long left BN or were never part of the defective and deficient government.
SKY BLUE, WHITE & RED constitute the colors of Parti KeADILan Rakyat (PKR). The contrast between the light pastel blue of PKR and the dark blue of BN is like the difference between the clear sky of freedom - and the interior of a policeman's pants.
The blue and green fields of PKR and PAS appear to complement each other reasonably well. But red and green are either complementary or conflicting colors, hence the friction and frequent tensions that arise between the secular DAP and the religious PAS.
Now if the red and green polarities could learn to appreciate the workings of the chromatic spectrum, they would quickly discover that their differences are merely superficial. No deeper than the skin and tattoos of cultural imprints, really.
I never get tired of seeing photos of PAS spiritual leader Tuan Guru Nik Aziz and DAP supremo Lim Kit Siang sitting together at ceramahs. Ever since the Permatang Pauh by-election in August 2008 these two seem to have become firm friends. The Fearless General and the Foxy Ustaz: what a formidable partnership they form when they work together, united by a common dream we all share...
The dream of a glorious New Dawn for Malaysia where all the colors of Pakatan Rakyat combine to form a perfect picture of loving abundance for everyone under the sun. PAS can be the moral foundation, representing the aspirations of the grassroots and the humble folk who live close to the earth. PKR, a party founded on social justice - and the rejection of cruelty, inhumanity and injustice - can ensure that democratic rights and universal principles of freedom and truth are well defended against the power-hungry. And DAP, with its ambition to see the nation's wealth fairly distributed and wisely managed, will be the engine that thrusts Malaysia boldly into the future.
So hang in there, folks! Don't get up and leave just because the band hit a couple of wrong notes. The REAL party hasn't even begun...
is one of the leading causes of statistics." - Fletcher Knebel, Reader's Digest, December, 1961
Dr Adrian Wong (2nd from the left) acquiring his bedside manner in Manipal, India
This post was inspired by Vijay Kumar Murugavell's instructive comment on "smokophobia" on my previous post... and also Dr. Adrian Wong who said:
Sorry but this has got to be one of the stupidest pro-smoking posts I've read in some time. Seriously, are you for real? No one is against your right to smoke yourself to death. That's your right. However, smoking is hardly the PERSONAL choice many smokers make it out to be.
Everywhere I go, I see smokers puffing away. I am FORCED to breathe in the smoke even though I choose not to smoke. Heck, I have to walk circles around them just to avoid getting poisoned. So, what about MY RIGHT to clean, healthy air? Frankly speaking, if I were the Health Minister, I would BAN the damn things. What are ciggies good for anyway? They do nothing but kill people and the country pays the price of smoking-related illnesses and death.
Again, if you choose to smoke, by all means, go ahead. It's your life. But please do it in the comfort and privacy of your room or car. Please have a thought for other people who do not care for your cancer sticks. We really would love to live a longer, healthier life. Thank you.
capnophobia; also, fumiphobia - (1) An intense hatred, or fear, of smoking or having anyone around who is polluting the air in the immediate vicinity with tobacco smoke; whether from cigarettes, cigars, pipe, or from any similar process of smoke distribution. (2) A fear of smoke exhausts from motor vehicles which are blamed for causing so much pollution in the air.
capnophobiac (s), capnophobiacs (pl) - Those who have a dread, or extreme hatred, of smoking and being around people who are doing it.
capnosis - The smoking of cigarettes, cigars, etc.
capnotic - A person with the smoking habit; pertaining to smoking.
Vijay Kumar Murugavell's enlightening comment:
I have been a smoker for the last 27 years, I don't smoke in no-smoking zones, in front of children, non-smokers or domestic animals. I mean, what next? Gruesome pics on McDonald's wrappers to deter fast food overindulgers? Customized cigarette cases have been selling like hot cakes recently. Allow me to share a series of smokophobia forwards I received by email some time back (author unknown).
What is Smokophobia?
Smokophobia is an irrational fear and intolerance of smoke and smokers, particularly directed against those who are oriented toward tobacco smoke. Smokophobia is one of the most prevalent and "popular" forms of bigotry in our society. In fact, it is a mental illness that afflicts literally millions of people, all of whom irrationally fear those who smoke.
Smokophobia is so entrenched in modern Eurocentric cultures that even seemingly intelligent non-smokers have a hard time seeing it for what it is. Examples of smokophobia include:
The many laws passed against smoking, restricting when and where smokers can partake of their inhalational preference. (Smokophobes have tremendous legal and political clout!)
The countless hate-filled "public service" commercials that make smoking seem "unhealthy" or "unclean."
The "health education" programs in public schools that scare impressionable young children and create dark images of death and disease linked to smoking. (We're not talking about Nazi Germany or the Inquisition: this still happens in 20th century America - even in seemingly "modern" communities like Boston and San Francisco.)
The blatant segregation of restaurants, hotel rooms, and public transportation systems into two classes: non-smoking and smoking, with smokers clearly being treated like second-class citizens.
Efforts of "well-meaning" friends to encourage smokers to quit - as if one's identity as a smoker were a simple matter of choice!
Frequent lies from all sources claiming that smoking "causes" cancer and other diseases, neglecting that fact that everyone is at risk for cancer.
Strong parental opposition to safe smoking education in schools. These parents often forbid their children to ever even try smoking - afraid that their child might discover he or she is a smoker.
Levels of smokophobia
1) Extreme smokophobia. You view smoking as sinful, wrong, or "a crime against nature." You think smoking is unhealthy and kills thousands of people. Smoking is viewed as something to eradicate, even if it requires the force of government to do so. You see smoking as a stupid, harmful "choice" made by others. Tobacco companies are thought to be motivated by "greed."
2) Hateful intolerance. While you may recognize that some people naturally are smokers, you still find smoking repulsive and refuse to be in the same room as smokers. You don't want smokers to baby-sit your children. You aren't troubled when smokers have to leave their workplaces to smoke outdoors - even if it's bitter cold outside. And taxing cigarettes makes perfect sense to you.
3) Well meaning ignorance. You recognize the right of others to smoke, but feel that they are hurting themselves and others by doing so. You may be willing to associate with smokers, but fear breathing too much "second-hand smoke." Smoking is viewed as an act of rebellion or immaturity, possibly even "an addiction."
4a) Limited tolerance. You accept others who have found their identity as smokers and recognize their right to smoke. But you don't want them smoking in your home - and you secretly hope that none of your children turn out to be smokers.
4b) Informed tolerance. You understand that smokers are people just like you and accept them as productive members of society. You recognize that lung cancer can afflict anyone and is not simply "caused" by smoking. You understand that persecution of smokers can cause so much stress that they are susceptible to serious health problems, including lung cancer. You know that inhalational preference is affected by genetics (an obvious fact, since children raised by smokers are much more likely to be smokers themselves).
5) Enlightenment. You realize that smoking is a natural and delightful experience for those with that orientation. You advocate smokers rights and embrace the smoking lifestyle as a valid and wholesome expression of the full human experience. You are not afraid of finding out that you or your children are smokers. You are even willing to take a puff or two to find out. Isn't it about time you enlighten up and rid yourself of smokophobia? Have you hugged a smoker today?
Am I smokophobic? Many non-smokers are, but to different degrees. You may be smokophobic if you display any one of the following symptoms. The more symptoms you have, the more extreme your phobia is.
Warning signs of smokophobia:
You are afraid to even try smoking a cigarette (or anything else) because you think you might get "addicted." You are uncomfortable sitting next to smokers, fearful that their smoke might "harm" you or make your lungs "unclean."
You would be uncomfortable having a smoker baby-sit your children. You think that smoking causes cancer and kills people. You think that lung cancer is primarily a "smokers' disease."
You think that states should be allowed to pass laws against smoking. You feel upset when you see a smokers' pride parade. When you see a burning building or a hotel fire, you immediately wonder if a smoker is to blame. After spending time with smokers, you feel a compulsive urge to wash your clothes lest others think you, too, are a smoker. Please, if you are a capnophobe (which is the lexicologically correct term for a smokophobe), seek help immediately. Don't let your ignorance and fear contribute to any more unnecessary deaths of smokers.
I've been smoking since I was 15. Women, they come and go. Tobacco stays. I'm not into beer or whisky, not even the occasional Shandy. Alcohol I can live quite happily without. But I'd fight to the death for my right to light up and enjoy a quiet, untroubled smoke. Without being forced to look at gruesome, ugly images conjured by the world's greatest hypocrites - the World Health Organization.
That's right. The same scam that brought us Herpes, AIDS, SARS, cock & bull flu. They have the power to quarantine you if you so much as sneeze as you go through the airport scanners. They can order schools closed, borders sealed, entire cities evacuated. WHO says it cares about World Health. Yup. Health is BIG business. One of the biggest. After warfare.
I can't remember exactly when these so-called Government Health Warnings first began to appear on cigarette packs. Perhaps in the early 1990s (when George Herbert Walker Bush announced the New World Order). But I sure miss the good old days when all you saw on a pack of cigarettes were cheerful, positive statements like: "Where Particular People Congregate" or "Finest Virginia Blend" or "By Special Appointment to Buckingham Palace, Purveyors of Fine Tobacco Since 1828" or simply "London. New York. Paris. Vladivostok."
Don't these pompous idiots in white smocks realize the great evil they are helping to perpetrate by bombarding us with such negative thoughts and images? If they genuinely desire to promote human health, wealth and welfare, shouldn't they use their collective clout as medical professionals to campaign against patently lethal things like nuclear weapons, depleted uranium, industrial pollution and warfare?
Assuming the Health Authorities are truly sincere about discouraging people from smoking, don't you think they would achieve far better results if they went with upbeat, positive advice on every pack of cigarettes instead of manipulating and reinforcing people's fear of disease and death? A far more acceptable Government Health Warning might read:
SMOKE LESS, ENJOY IT MORE!
Now if they could persuade the tobacco companies to quit putting toxic additives into their commercial blends just to make their cigarettes burn faster - and forbid tobacco farmers from spraying their crops with pesticides - that would be a laudable effort I'd happily support.
Indigenous peoples have enjoyed tobacco for thousands of years. They regard smoking as a sacred ritual. Tobacco represents the plant kingdom, growing from the fertile soil of Mother Earth. When tobacco smoke passes into the lungs it is charged with love from the heart chakra. As the smoke is exhaled, it is blessed with a sense of gratitude for life's pleasures, small and great, and offered as a fragrant incense to Father Sky. This is the sacred meaning of smoking when performed as a conscious ritual. Done this way smoking cannot harm you. Indeed, it can be viewed as a universal form of prayer, honoring the mystical connection between Heaven, Earth and Humanity.
When governments take on the role of nannies, their insincerity and hypocrisy invariably shows. If your government genuinely cares for you, it will channel every effort towards eliminating war from this planet. War not only kills millions of innocents, civilians as well as soldiers - it also contaminates the environment and causes massive damage to ecosystems (think about Agent Orange, radioactive fallout, unexploded bombs and landmines!) The number of war casualties since the beginning of recorded history exceeds by far the number of people who have succumbed to diseases related to smoking. So how come there are no Government Health Warnings printed on every military uniform and painted on every tank, jetfighter and aircraft carrier? How many people have been killed every day on the roads since the invention of the automobile? Why doesn't the government introduce a law requiring car manufacturers to emblazon every new vehicle with grisly images prominently displayed on the bonnet?
Would you pay RM3.5 million to charge around in one of these?
[Vomit-inducing images supplied by Delan Goh]
NOTE TO MILITANT NON-SMOKERS
I'm aware that smoking and non-smoking are emotional issues, not too different from respect or disrespect for organized religions. The views I offer are entirely subjective. Militant non-smokers are bound to get uptight when they read this post. Just as hardcore Umno members get all rigid whenever they see the phrase Ketuanan Rakyat.
My own honest opinion about smokers and non-smokers is that I've always felt a lot more comfortable and relaxed around people who smoke - whether cigarettes, pipes, cigars, bongs or reefers. My non-smoking friends, as a broad category, tend to be more disciplined, ascetic, fastidious, judgmental and strong-willed (read "somewhat anal" :-). They're the ones who get up with the sun and go jogging and enjoy munching on raw celery. Not that they're actually healthier than my smoking, non-jogging friends... just more uptight and self-righteous about maintaining their precious daily routines.
I used to really enjoy travel, in happier days when you'd be asked at check-in counters, "Smoking or non-smoking? Window or aisle?" Aircraft seemed to have more legroom those days (nope, I haven't grown taller; but as planes get bigger, legroom appears to shrink, mainly because profit-greedy accountants and marketing slicks now run the show). After being served a meal, the smokers at the back of the plane would unfasten their seat belts and light up. Often, conversations with strangers sitting across the aisle would begin at that point. True, non-smokers often complained that their clothes reeked of stale cigarette smoke after the flight - but at least the atmosphere in the planes was a great deal more cheerful and pleasant, especially before the word "terrorism" was invented by the CIA's spindoctors. And your clothes will reek of stale smoke coming out of a pub anyway... unless smoking is banned throughout the world... and drinking too (or else a couple billion nerve-wracked tobacco addicts suffering cold turkey will be tearing up the pavements on berserk drunken binges).
Next will be oral, anal and non-procreative sex. Mark my words, all ye would-be-banners of simple pleasures. One of these days you'll find yourself accosted and detained for grinning too broadly whilst some eager young stud is sucking you off under the table... and you'll end up having to service a prison blockful of hardcore criminals (mostly from Umno/BN, be warned!) for the next 20 years with no weekends off.
"There are two kinds of mystics in the world - the optimystics, and the pessimystics. The pessimystics are telling us, ‘The sky is falling!’ The optimystics say, ‘No, it only looks that way because we are ascending." ~ Swami Beyondananda
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." ~ Albert Einstein
Have you ever wondered why on earth in the 21st century we still have statutes against oral and anal sex? Not only are these activities ominously classified as "acts against the order of nature" - they are also punishable with caning and imprisonment of up to 20 years! Each day that such nonsensical laws continue to exist in our legal statutes, they make a complete mockery of reason and sanity.
Faculty of the Malaysian Institute of Advanced Sodomology
Please wait at the Rear Entrance
